its time for another installation of the "block o table", where bloggers from around the buckeye universe come together and talk shop, give out high fives, and act all gangster because thats how we roll. westside. you know what im sayin? word. flavor flav.
lets talk some buckeye football, shall we?
01. I’m not sure if you heard, but the Spring Game and the NFL Draft are the same day: April 25th. This is rather unfortunate considering how many Buckeyes are in the NFL Draft and how many of them are likely to be taken the first day. Assume you can: A) Go to the Spring Game and watch the Brew Crew (hopefully) show the future of Ohio State football is bright OR B) Stay at home, not watch the Spring Game, and follow the NFL Draft. If forced to such a binary position1, what would you do? Why?
and as an added bonus, i am throwing a bachelor party for my buddy ian that day as well. my weekend will probably go like this...
1. clippers game friday night. go clippers. beat indianapolis.
2. go to bed with the most delicious and overly self conscience girl i can find at the garage bar by telling her "i own a bowflex". this has never not worked. just kidding, ashley. kisses.
3. drink copious amounts of gatorade saturday morning.
4. setup for said bachelor party. tell girl i brought home from the garage bar that im "not ready for a relationship".
5. watch the NFL draft on my TV, and the spring game live on the big ten network dot com.
6. welcome guests for the bachelor party.
7. consume a large portion of GHB and see where the night takes me.
02. We all wish our Buckeye alumni well at the next level of football, but let’s be negative nancy for the moment. Which of our possible first day picks in the draft (Jenkins, Beanie, Laurinaitis, Robiskie, and I guess Freeman) do you fear will struggle the most at the next level?
first, let me start out by explaining my role in the buckeye universe...
i am that guy that always thinks the worst is going to happen. i am the guy who said "i think northern illinois has a chance today" in 2006. i routinely dismiss basketball games as being over when the other team starts out on a 8-2 run. i wanted to leave the big house in 2005 before troy smith and a-gon brought us back from the brink of defeat. my buddy ian (who i am throwing the bachelor party for) convinced me to stay. thanks, buddy...
that being said, i have serious doubts inside of my brains for all of our boys mentioned above. i have the least amount of concern for malcolm (unless the browns or bengals get their hands on him), though he does seem to be giving off that mike-doss-type-of-odor. maybe im nitpicking...
i honestly dont know what to think about the little animal or marcus - if they are great it wouldnt surprise me, and if they floated around for 4-5 years it wouldnt surprise me. i pray that the browns or beglas dont get their hands on them.
stop me if you have heard this before, but if beanie can stay healthy he is going to do wonderful things (unless the browns or bengals get their hands on him) in the league. ive seen mock drafts where he could end up in philadelphia, but that wont happen. i dont think the universe would allow something like that to happen to me. there is no way in hell i would ever be able to cheer for a philadelphia sports team. whatever happens, i pray that he takes the "beanie hop" with him wherever he goes.
with robo, i think the less you expect out of him the better. if he is drafted by a team that expects him to make any sort of specific, tangible contribution, he may end up with the dreaded "bust" label. we can only hope the browns or bengals dont get their hands on him.
03. Conversely, which of the remaining Buckeyes in the NFL Draft do you think will have the greatest success in the NFL?
i dont have any remaining buckeyes to talk about, because i have debbie-downered every single one of them. this leaves me no choice but flip a coin, with the possibilities being brandon fuss-cheatham and a common office stapler.
brandon fuss-cheatham wins.
04. For concerns of either this individual’s legacy at Ohio State or the team’s chances at returning to the BCS in 2009, who needs to shine the brightest and prove himself at the Spring Game?
so many choices, so very many choices...
first, the ghost of ray small either needs to start being a football player or start getting out of my life forever. im sick and tired of expecting so much out of a guy who has returned a punt for a touchdown against OU, and pretty much done nothing else ever at all. oh, except bitch and moan and have an idiot father.
id love nothing more than to see "thaddeus the impaler" continue his transformation into the nastiest and most unblockable badass mofo in the tressel era. its hard not to get excited about his 2009 season.
itd be nice to see anyone on the offensive line do anything at all.
but i guess ill stick with the ghost of ray small. he either needs to be the to-the-house-at-any-time threat we have expected him to be, or he needs to quietly be moved along into a columbus destroyer uniform.
05. In that same breath, what relatively unknown commodity has the breakthrough performance at the Spring Game that Taurian Washington had at last year’s game (though nothing came of it for the 2008 season). What Buckeye do you think will steal the show?
jake stoneburner. i think that anything we get out of a tightend (thats what she said) would probably make the bloggers and media members instantly salivate all over their collective keyboards.
seriously, i think stoneburner could have 3 catches for 27 yards and a TD, and we would all be having wet dreams about it all summer long. we are that starved for production out of the tightend spot.
Extra Credit: I understand not everyone who reads this blog is an Ohio State graduate, but I thought about asking this anyways. What is your favorite moment on campus that’s not connected to an Ohio State sporting event? If there’s a funny story about a house party on Ohio State’s off-campus, or a whimsical story at one of Ohio State’s many fine watering holes, or something else that’s not simply being in Ohio Stadium for a Buckeye victory, please share.
i dont know how i can possibly do this story any justice in blog form, but ill give it a go anyway...
its a saturday night after a home game in 2003. i cant remember which one. i live in shithole of a house located at 156 east lane avenue with about one hundred of my closest buddies. its between high and indianola.
a few football players live a couple doors down from us. think linebacker type guys. one of their ex-girlfriends lives next door to us and she hangs out with us frequently. her linebacking ex-boyfriend hates us for this reason.
one of our most favorite things to do is called "the box of justice" - a simple, yet genius way to pass idle time. all you do is take an empty 12 pack box of beer, fill it with bricks, and place it on the sidewalk at a slight angle so that it looks like any other random piece of trash you would find on a college campus. when drunken 18-21 year olds see this box lying on the sidewalk, they basically have no choice but to kick it as hard as they possibly can, causing them to fall over in pain while we chant "BOX KICKER!!" in their general direction as loud as possible. it looks like an empty box of beer. you cant help yourself.
we have been using this method of entertainment for a couple years, and we have always openly feared that at some point in time one of the football players is going to kick the box and either hurt themselves to the point where we would be directly responsible for ruining the entire season, or they would be so enraged that they had been had, that they would end our lives via their box-of-justice-fueled-rage.
one night, after said home football game, a group of 7-10 football players are walking past our house en route to their house. we have a box of justice setup. we see them approaching and cant help but feel that something bad is about to happen. as it turns out, we were right.
one of their buddies was a rather important part of that 2003 team that had to use his feet for specific duties on a game-to-game basis. he saw the seemingly empty box of natural light and went right after it. he wound up, took a mighty swing, and promptly mashed his foot directly into a pile of bricks.
shit.
yeah, they were not happy about this turn of events. their group of 10 people rushed our group of 10 people who were basically sitting ducks on our front porch. one of my buddies was pulled into their dog pile of destruction and i somehow thought it was a good idea to dive in after him like any good (and drunk) friend would do. after an intense 30 seconds of pushing, shoving, and name-calling, cooler heads appeared to prevail. they told us something to the extent of "if we ever so much as see you guys ever again, we are going to literally murder you with our bare hands" - we believed them.
as we turned around to go inside and lick our wounds, the drunkest roommate i have ever had in all of my years jumped out of his window and onto our roof. he had heard the skirmish and was intent on helping to defend his friends.
he had been sitting in his room for the last couple of hours with the door shut, smoking cigarettes, drinking vodka, and listening to metallica. think motivational speaker matt foley, but less hilarious and more tragic.
as the football players sauntered off of our property, they were greeted by my roommate chucking empty beer bottles directly at their heads while screaming "leave my friends alone!" and as if that wasnt enough, he was also wearing nothing but a child-sized donavan mcnabb jersey that came down to well above his navel. yes, thats right, he was completely naked from the waist down.
the sheer shock of this happening gave us the valuable seconds we needed to run into our house, lock the doors and turn off the lights, as the football players had decided after almost being mortally wounded by flying beer bottles that they had reconsidered their decision to not kill us.
as they pounded on our front door and we urinated all over ourselves due to the fear of death, i thanked god that drunks have bad aim with empty beer bottles.
for as long as i live, ill never be able to wipe that sight from my minds eye - a grown man, fully naked from the waist down, throwing beer bottles at the scariest, most pissed off and most intimidating dudes i have ever seen in all my life.
go bucks.
lets talk some buckeye football, shall we?
01. I’m not sure if you heard, but the Spring Game and the NFL Draft are the same day: April 25th. This is rather unfortunate considering how many Buckeyes are in the NFL Draft and how many of them are likely to be taken the first day. Assume you can: A) Go to the Spring Game and watch the Brew Crew (hopefully) show the future of Ohio State football is bright OR B) Stay at home, not watch the Spring Game, and follow the NFL Draft. If forced to such a binary position1, what would you do? Why?
and as an added bonus, i am throwing a bachelor party for my buddy ian that day as well. my weekend will probably go like this...
1. clippers game friday night. go clippers. beat indianapolis.
2. go to bed with the most delicious and overly self conscience girl i can find at the garage bar by telling her "i own a bowflex". this has never not worked. just kidding, ashley. kisses.
3. drink copious amounts of gatorade saturday morning.
4. setup for said bachelor party. tell girl i brought home from the garage bar that im "not ready for a relationship".
5. watch the NFL draft on my TV, and the spring game live on the big ten network dot com.
6. welcome guests for the bachelor party.
7. consume a large portion of GHB and see where the night takes me.
02. We all wish our Buckeye alumni well at the next level of football, but let’s be negative nancy for the moment. Which of our possible first day picks in the draft (Jenkins, Beanie, Laurinaitis, Robiskie, and I guess Freeman) do you fear will struggle the most at the next level?
first, let me start out by explaining my role in the buckeye universe...
i am that guy that always thinks the worst is going to happen. i am the guy who said "i think northern illinois has a chance today" in 2006. i routinely dismiss basketball games as being over when the other team starts out on a 8-2 run. i wanted to leave the big house in 2005 before troy smith and a-gon brought us back from the brink of defeat. my buddy ian (who i am throwing the bachelor party for) convinced me to stay. thanks, buddy...
that being said, i have serious doubts inside of my brains for all of our boys mentioned above. i have the least amount of concern for malcolm (unless the browns or bengals get their hands on him), though he does seem to be giving off that mike-doss-type-of-odor. maybe im nitpicking...
i honestly dont know what to think about the little animal or marcus - if they are great it wouldnt surprise me, and if they floated around for 4-5 years it wouldnt surprise me. i pray that the browns or beglas dont get their hands on them.
stop me if you have heard this before, but if beanie can stay healthy he is going to do wonderful things (unless the browns or bengals get their hands on him) in the league. ive seen mock drafts where he could end up in philadelphia, but that wont happen. i dont think the universe would allow something like that to happen to me. there is no way in hell i would ever be able to cheer for a philadelphia sports team. whatever happens, i pray that he takes the "beanie hop" with him wherever he goes.
with robo, i think the less you expect out of him the better. if he is drafted by a team that expects him to make any sort of specific, tangible contribution, he may end up with the dreaded "bust" label. we can only hope the browns or bengals dont get their hands on him.
03. Conversely, which of the remaining Buckeyes in the NFL Draft do you think will have the greatest success in the NFL?
i dont have any remaining buckeyes to talk about, because i have debbie-downered every single one of them. this leaves me no choice but flip a coin, with the possibilities being brandon fuss-cheatham and a common office stapler.
brandon fuss-cheatham wins.
04. For concerns of either this individual’s legacy at Ohio State or the team’s chances at returning to the BCS in 2009, who needs to shine the brightest and prove himself at the Spring Game?
so many choices, so very many choices...
first, the ghost of ray small either needs to start being a football player or start getting out of my life forever. im sick and tired of expecting so much out of a guy who has returned a punt for a touchdown against OU, and pretty much done nothing else ever at all. oh, except bitch and moan and have an idiot father.
id love nothing more than to see "thaddeus the impaler" continue his transformation into the nastiest and most unblockable badass mofo in the tressel era. its hard not to get excited about his 2009 season.
itd be nice to see anyone on the offensive line do anything at all.
but i guess ill stick with the ghost of ray small. he either needs to be the to-the-house-at-any-time threat we have expected him to be, or he needs to quietly be moved along into a columbus destroyer uniform.
05. In that same breath, what relatively unknown commodity has the breakthrough performance at the Spring Game that Taurian Washington had at last year’s game (though nothing came of it for the 2008 season). What Buckeye do you think will steal the show?
jake stoneburner. i think that anything we get out of a tightend (thats what she said) would probably make the bloggers and media members instantly salivate all over their collective keyboards.
seriously, i think stoneburner could have 3 catches for 27 yards and a TD, and we would all be having wet dreams about it all summer long. we are that starved for production out of the tightend spot.
Extra Credit: I understand not everyone who reads this blog is an Ohio State graduate, but I thought about asking this anyways. What is your favorite moment on campus that’s not connected to an Ohio State sporting event? If there’s a funny story about a house party on Ohio State’s off-campus, or a whimsical story at one of Ohio State’s many fine watering holes, or something else that’s not simply being in Ohio Stadium for a Buckeye victory, please share.
i dont know how i can possibly do this story any justice in blog form, but ill give it a go anyway...
its a saturday night after a home game in 2003. i cant remember which one. i live in shithole of a house located at 156 east lane avenue with about one hundred of my closest buddies. its between high and indianola.
a few football players live a couple doors down from us. think linebacker type guys. one of their ex-girlfriends lives next door to us and she hangs out with us frequently. her linebacking ex-boyfriend hates us for this reason.
one of our most favorite things to do is called "the box of justice" - a simple, yet genius way to pass idle time. all you do is take an empty 12 pack box of beer, fill it with bricks, and place it on the sidewalk at a slight angle so that it looks like any other random piece of trash you would find on a college campus. when drunken 18-21 year olds see this box lying on the sidewalk, they basically have no choice but to kick it as hard as they possibly can, causing them to fall over in pain while we chant "BOX KICKER!!" in their general direction as loud as possible. it looks like an empty box of beer. you cant help yourself.
we have been using this method of entertainment for a couple years, and we have always openly feared that at some point in time one of the football players is going to kick the box and either hurt themselves to the point where we would be directly responsible for ruining the entire season, or they would be so enraged that they had been had, that they would end our lives via their box-of-justice-fueled-rage.
one night, after said home football game, a group of 7-10 football players are walking past our house en route to their house. we have a box of justice setup. we see them approaching and cant help but feel that something bad is about to happen. as it turns out, we were right.
one of their buddies was a rather important part of that 2003 team that had to use his feet for specific duties on a game-to-game basis. he saw the seemingly empty box of natural light and went right after it. he wound up, took a mighty swing, and promptly mashed his foot directly into a pile of bricks.
shit.
yeah, they were not happy about this turn of events. their group of 10 people rushed our group of 10 people who were basically sitting ducks on our front porch. one of my buddies was pulled into their dog pile of destruction and i somehow thought it was a good idea to dive in after him like any good (and drunk) friend would do. after an intense 30 seconds of pushing, shoving, and name-calling, cooler heads appeared to prevail. they told us something to the extent of "if we ever so much as see you guys ever again, we are going to literally murder you with our bare hands" - we believed them.
as we turned around to go inside and lick our wounds, the drunkest roommate i have ever had in all of my years jumped out of his window and onto our roof. he had heard the skirmish and was intent on helping to defend his friends.
he had been sitting in his room for the last couple of hours with the door shut, smoking cigarettes, drinking vodka, and listening to metallica. think motivational speaker matt foley, but less hilarious and more tragic.
as the football players sauntered off of our property, they were greeted by my roommate chucking empty beer bottles directly at their heads while screaming "leave my friends alone!" and as if that wasnt enough, he was also wearing nothing but a child-sized donavan mcnabb jersey that came down to well above his navel. yes, thats right, he was completely naked from the waist down.
the sheer shock of this happening gave us the valuable seconds we needed to run into our house, lock the doors and turn off the lights, as the football players had decided after almost being mortally wounded by flying beer bottles that they had reconsidered their decision to not kill us.
as they pounded on our front door and we urinated all over ourselves due to the fear of death, i thanked god that drunks have bad aim with empty beer bottles.
for as long as i live, ill never be able to wipe that sight from my minds eye - a grown man, fully naked from the waist down, throwing beer bottles at the scariest, most pissed off and most intimidating dudes i have ever seen in all my life.
go bucks.
5 comments: