if you would have told me way back in 2004 that i would be nearing the 1,000 total blog post plateau a short fives years later, i would have probably believed you. i also would have probably shot you in the face with a gun, as i had just moved to detroit and i was a little jumpy / trigger happy.
dont judge me - detroit isnt like columbus. there are far more little ceasers. it causes great peril.
on october 31st, 2007 i made the jump from myspace blogging to blogspot blogging, and not long after that i bought the web domain http://www.teamsecretfalcon.com/ - easily the best ten dollars a year i spend every twelve months. 400 blogs entries in two years - thats roughly 300 posts a year, and i feel as if i need to thank a few people for helping me get to this fantastic landing-place.
ahem...
THANK YOU
Phil Miller - every single time that i think i have nothing to write about, you effortlessly glide across the room and bring me an oversized ziplock freezer bag filled with various types of tiny cheese cubes. not only does it cure my gallons-and-gallons-of-apple-juice-induced-diarrhea, it reminds me of the person i am. and the man i want to be.
Peter Sevendsen - and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life.
Guy who wear Ed Hardy shirts - without you, quite simply, this blog would be nothing. it would be less than nothing. i so very much enjoy telling you what a douchey, redbull and vodka drinking, six pounds of cologne wearing, tilted hat rocking, girl raping, UFC watching, overpriced sushi eating, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit that you are on a daily basis.
People who use the term "doing dinner" - hey, want to "do dinner" tonight? that is to say, would you like to accomplish dinner with me? am i the only one that hates this terminology? i mean, i know you can "do" pilates or "do" homework. these are both things that it takes effort to accomplish. can you really "do" dinner? "i think im just going to stay in tonight at do dinner" - what happens after that? i very much look forward to subsequent status update - "DINNER ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!!!!!"
People over the age of 35 who call getting drunk getting "buzzed" - ummm, no. if you drink three bottles of wine with dinner and your alcohol tolerance is that of an infant, you are drunk. not buzzed. you might even be shitfaced. its even possible that you are hammer-drunk. but not buzzed. you are passed out in a pool of your own vomit - the time to save face by the use of creative phraseology is gone.
Barack Obama - OMGBARACK!!!1!1! and his mindless army of lemming zombies could not have been better for a person who runs a rant blog. i also have a deep love and passion for vague rallying cries that people grasp onto and they really dont have any idea why. YES WE CAN! you can what, exactly? UMMM.....GEORGE BUSH IS A TERRORIST! how so, exactly? UMMM.....GEORGE BUSH KILLED PEOPLE OVERSEAS! so has every other president. so will omgbarack. GEORGE BUSH MUST GO! he will go. he has been president for eight years. thats how it works. GEORGE BUSH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH YES WE CAN!
Zach and Miri Make a Porno - i dont think i am being dramatic when i say that zach and miri make a porno is the worst movie that has ever been made in the long history of cinema. and am i the only one who has had waaaaaay more than enough of the kevin smith movie genre? its like, yeah, hearing the word "blowjob" in a theatre was hilarious in 1994 when clerks came out, but we are all over it now. kevin, being creative works like this - its only actually creative when you do it once. after that it becomes repetitive, and unless you are U2 people will eventually tire of the same boring crap wrapped up in a different package year after year after year.
Political extremists - the other side is not out to get you. republicans arent all ignorant wealthy racists. democrats dont want the elderly to go in front of a death panel that makes decisions on whether they live or die. if you buy into a negative sweeping generalization of the people who dont agree with you, that makes you an extremist.
Dinosaurs - as we learned late last week, dinosaurs are awesome for a number of reasons. without dinosaurs, none of this would have been possible.
Where the Wilds Things Are - you are a white person, you are in your twenties or thirties, you are tragically hip, you like alternative music, you have thick-rimmed glasses, you cant be bothered to shave every day, you have friends that are black people, and you like to tell people about how much you ride your bike instead of driving a car. you saw where the wild things are. we know. now please shut up about it.
dont judge me - detroit isnt like columbus. there are far more little ceasers. it causes great peril.
on october 31st, 2007 i made the jump from myspace blogging to blogspot blogging, and not long after that i bought the web domain http://www.teamsecretfalcon.com/ - easily the best ten dollars a year i spend every twelve months. 400 blogs entries in two years - thats roughly 300 posts a year, and i feel as if i need to thank a few people for helping me get to this fantastic landing-place.
ahem...
THANK YOU
Phil Miller - every single time that i think i have nothing to write about, you effortlessly glide across the room and bring me an oversized ziplock freezer bag filled with various types of tiny cheese cubes. not only does it cure my gallons-and-gallons-of-apple-juice-induced-diarrhea, it reminds me of the person i am. and the man i want to be.
Peter Sevendsen - and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life. and i want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life.
Guy who wear Ed Hardy shirts - without you, quite simply, this blog would be nothing. it would be less than nothing. i so very much enjoy telling you what a douchey, redbull and vodka drinking, six pounds of cologne wearing, tilted hat rocking, girl raping, UFC watching, overpriced sushi eating, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit that you are on a daily basis.
People who use the term "doing dinner" - hey, want to "do dinner" tonight? that is to say, would you like to accomplish dinner with me? am i the only one that hates this terminology? i mean, i know you can "do" pilates or "do" homework. these are both things that it takes effort to accomplish. can you really "do" dinner? "i think im just going to stay in tonight at do dinner" - what happens after that? i very much look forward to subsequent status update - "DINNER ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!!!!!"
People over the age of 35 who call getting drunk getting "buzzed" - ummm, no. if you drink three bottles of wine with dinner and your alcohol tolerance is that of an infant, you are drunk. not buzzed. you might even be shitfaced. its even possible that you are hammer-drunk. but not buzzed. you are passed out in a pool of your own vomit - the time to save face by the use of creative phraseology is gone.
Barack Obama - OMGBARACK!!!1!1! and his mindless army of lemming zombies could not have been better for a person who runs a rant blog. i also have a deep love and passion for vague rallying cries that people grasp onto and they really dont have any idea why. YES WE CAN! you can what, exactly? UMMM.....GEORGE BUSH IS A TERRORIST! how so, exactly? UMMM.....GEORGE BUSH KILLED PEOPLE OVERSEAS! so has every other president. so will omgbarack. GEORGE BUSH MUST GO! he will go. he has been president for eight years. thats how it works. GEORGE BUSH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH YES WE CAN!
Zach and Miri Make a Porno - i dont think i am being dramatic when i say that zach and miri make a porno is the worst movie that has ever been made in the long history of cinema. and am i the only one who has had waaaaaay more than enough of the kevin smith movie genre? its like, yeah, hearing the word "blowjob" in a theatre was hilarious in 1994 when clerks came out, but we are all over it now. kevin, being creative works like this - its only actually creative when you do it once. after that it becomes repetitive, and unless you are U2 people will eventually tire of the same boring crap wrapped up in a different package year after year after year.
Political extremists - the other side is not out to get you. republicans arent all ignorant wealthy racists. democrats dont want the elderly to go in front of a death panel that makes decisions on whether they live or die. if you buy into a negative sweeping generalization of the people who dont agree with you, that makes you an extremist.
Dinosaurs - as we learned late last week, dinosaurs are awesome for a number of reasons. without dinosaurs, none of this would have been possible.
Where the Wilds Things Are - you are a white person, you are in your twenties or thirties, you are tragically hip, you like alternative music, you have thick-rimmed glasses, you cant be bothered to shave every day, you have friends that are black people, and you like to tell people about how much you ride your bike instead of driving a car. you saw where the wild things are. we know. now please shut up about it.
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1 comments:
I like being an extremist. I get a twisted pleasure when someone from Comrade Conyers Detroit district bitch about how fucked up things are.
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