I Need a Babysitter...

i need a babysitter for myself. please email me if you fall into a significant number of the following categories...

- has hair.
-wears t-shirts sometimes.
- can touch the net.
- knows lyrics to "no diggity".
- drinks mountain dew.
- is not an asian male.
- likes nice things.
- hates mean stuff.
- likes to pet cats.
- can ride bike with one hand on handle bar.
- knows what "totally krossed out" means.
- once owned a pair of birkenstocks.
- once owned a pair of doc martens.
- knows lyrics to at least one cranberries song.
- admits to actually liking "titanic".
- knows who dr cliff huxtable is.
- has arm hair.
- knows enough karate to get by.
- thinks about stuff and wonders about things.
- has criminal information on dave matthews.
- is trained on windows 95.
- doesnt give a damn for at least one state in the union.
- knows at least one think that makes you go "mmmmm".
- has brought a hamster back to life.
- know whats to do when you are surrounded by 10,000 angry indians and there seems to be only one way out.
- has never thrown a live human infant to the ground because she saw a spider (......MOM.)
- has designed their own course on excitebike.
- has smaller hands than me.
- loves nature and plays all day.
- can hold their breath under water for a really long time.
- can punch so hard.
- has at one time put a jolly rancher into a bottle of zima.
- doesnt drive an SUV.
- has beaten the main bad guy.
- has heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon.
- has had an instant message conversation with billy gillman.
- has done crystal meth at least nine times.
- has sold their body for drugs.
- has sold their body for crystal meth at least nine times.
- can track packages via ups.com
- has had a gay experience (a GOOD one) in any branch of the military.
- is afraid of thaddeus gibson.
- has been in trouble.
- likes soft hair.

so, yeah, let me know.

thanks.