Bandi's Plate...

my roommate bandi cambridge has a large golden plastic plate that she often uses and dirties and leaves lying around on the kitchen counter / floor.

that is bad.

whats worse is that the plate is the largest we have in our house, which means that i am often forced to use it when consuming massive quantities of frozen pizza that i expertly cook in the oven. you know how that goes. you cook a big plain cheese pizza that you stole from your roommate (also bandi cambridge) and then you are forced to scour your house looking for a plate big enough to contain its fury when you remove it from the oven. life is hard.

for that reason, i guess i am semi fond of bandi's plate. for other reasons, i hate it.

for instance, on the back of the plate it says the following...

DO NOT USE IN MICROWAVE
DO NOT PUT IN DISHWASHER
DO NOT USE WITH FOOD

which begs the question, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS OUTRAGED THAT THERE ARE PLATES THAT YOU CANT EAT OFF OF? seriously? who would ever make such an item? and why would they make it?

"DONT eat off of our plate, but if you do DONT put it in the microwave, but if you do DONT wash it or you will pretty much die."

whats next - pillows not made for sleeping? shirts not made for wearing? tara reids not made for sexual favors and testing out your homemade crystal meth recipe? i mean come on.

this world is going crazy, and someone should do something about it.

in the meantime, ummm, PIZZA! i like it.

Weekend Recap...

in detroit for work.

must. keep. blog. entries. short.

THIS WEEKEND...

Wagg Predictions: 3-2
Morgan Predictions: 4-1

Wagg ATS: 3-2
Morgan ATS: 4-1

FOR THE SEASON...

Wagg Predictions: 60-25 (71%)
Morgan Predictions: 63-22 (74%)

Wagg ATS: 37-37 (50%)
Morgan ATS: 34-40 (46%)

so with all but three games in the big ten regular season completed, i hold a three game lead over wagg in overall predictions, and wagg holds a three game lead over me in picks against the spread.

good times.

Big Ten Power Rankings
November 24th, 2009

1. Ohio State
2. Iowa
3. Penn State
4. Northwestern
5. Wisconsin
6. Michigan State
7. Purdue
8. Minnesota
9. Illinois
10. Indiana
11. Michigan

One more thing...

anyone who tells you that michigans defense "finally showed up" or "really came to play" against the buckeyes on saturday wasnt really paying attention.

ohio state rushed for 250 yards and didnt need to throw it. every single time michigan scored (all two times) jim tressels squad responded with a score of their own. yes, ohio state only scored 21 points against the wolverines, but it could have been much worse if it needed to be. which it didnt. terrelle pryor didnt need to throw the ball. ohio state didnt need to score 42 points. the fact is, michigan is a crappy football team and they suck. it it werent for a pryor tipped pass interception, michigan would have walked out of the toilet bowl with three whole points.

i guess michigans defense did show up to play. its just that they suck.

since the 2006 no. 1 vs no. 2 game, ohio state has outscored michigan 77-20.

all jim tressel does is win big ten championships and beat the snot out of michigan.

Big Ten Score Predictions....

its the last week of big ten football. its ohio state - michigan week. its friday. its a celebration, bitches.

November 20th, 2009

Minnesota at (15) Iowa
12:00pm - ESPN
Line: IOWA -10.5

Wagg says: Iowa 28-17
Morgan says: Iowa 31-13

(13) Penn State at Michigan State
3:30pm - ABC
Line: PSU -3

Wagg says: Penn State 35-21
Morgan says: Penn State 24-20

Purdue at Indiana
3:30pm - Big Ten Network
Line: PUR -3

Wagg says: Indiana 31-28
Morgan says: Purdue 34-30

(17) Wisconsin at Northwestern
3:30pm - Big Ten Network
Line: WISC -7

Wagg says: Wisconsin 35-21
Morgan says: Wisconsin 28-20

(9) Ohio State at Michigan
12:00pm - ABC
Line: OSU -11.5

Wagg says: Ohio State 31-24
Morgan says: Ohio State 24-13

go buckeyes.
death to michigan.

screw blue.

R. Kelly, You Beautiful Bastard...

once in every generation or three, an artist is born that finds it in his or her very nature to so frequently blur the lines between average prowess and god-like ability, that you have trouble remembering what your life was like before you came into awareness of their skillful prose.

i speak, clearly, of robert sylvester kelly - the most accomplished and well-respected lyricist in the last twenty years, nay, the entire history of mankind. a man so beloved and accepted as the very height of homosapien perfection, that he can literally urinate in the face of a female a full four years short of the legal age of consent, and not be convicted of any crime whatsoever.

while listening to the classic r kelly masterpiece "ignition: remix" this weekend past, i came to appreciate one chunk of wordage so much that i decided to devote this entire blog entry to its wonder. i felt as if i would play a part in the world being a bit of a darker place if i didnt go out of my way to expose as many people as possible to the following snippet of r kelly excellence....

"Now it's like 'Murda She Wrote'
Once I get you out them clothes
Privacy is on the do'
But still they hear you screamin' mo'
Girl I'm feelin whatchu feelin'
No more hopin' and wishin'
I'm about to take my key'n
Stick it in your ignition"

impressive, yes, i know.

the overall theme of this specific verse (read: all r kelly songs ever) is having sexual intercourse with a female counterpart in a hotel room. here, kelly does an expert job interjecting a bit of pop culture, mentioning in passing the long-running CBS crime drama "murder she wrote".

ignoring the fact that the mere mention of anything involving angela lansbury and a sexual situation makes most of the world want to remove their reproductive system with a pick axe and disposable razor, the listener is painted a vivid picture of an erotic evening between two eager and willing participants. the privacy door hanger implies a certain animal abandonment of restraint, an action only two people guaranteed complete and total concealment would pursue.

the portrayal is further illuminated with an intense ultima of the verse - the picture of a key being inserted into an ignition as a beautiful and apt representation of penial / vaginal contact. the listener, at this point in the story, is all but invited into the dwelling as a discreet third party observer. you almost get the feeling that in that specific situation r kelly himself would shoot you a hushing glace, urging you not to give your presence away. and to pick up a freaking video camera if you have nothing better to do.

thank you, robert sylvester kelly. thank you from all of us. thank you for do what it is that only you can do. thank you for your genius, your work, your very existence. i wanted to have some sort of celebration dinner for you, give you a lifetime achievement award, tell you how we all feel about you, but the only venue available was the hyatt hotel lobby, and putting you into that type of situation just isnt safe for those in attendance.

you might go "lil house on tha prarie" on someone and rape them in a secluded suite.

R KELLY IS A CHILD MOLESTOR.

Michigan Week...

nothing makes my blood boil and makes me want to punch babies in the face to death more than athletics at the university of michigan, and no time during the year am i more aware of said athletics than the week before ohio state plays michigan in a game of football.

it is a little known and rarely talked about fact that tate forcier (the wolverines true freshman quarterback) was born with both male and female reproductive organs. this is why most students in ann arbor refer to him as "calista", and why when not consumed with football, you can usually find tate playing with glo worms and wearing a dress. because his parents chose to raise tate as a girl. that is to say, tate forcier is a woman.

tate forcier has a vagina.

did you know that it has been 2,187 days since the university of michigan has defeated the ohio state university in a game of football?

thats right, the last time michigan beat ohio state, saddam hussein was still on the loose. john kerry hadnt yet received the bid to be the democratic candidate for president. facebook hadnt yet been invented. oldsmobiles were still being produced. marlon brando, otto graham, and ronald reagan were all alive. john paul II was still the pope.

getting back on subject, its high time that someone asks the question that we all want to ask, but are too afraid of what the answer might be.

would you rather have your genitals chewed off by a rabid mountain lion, or be forced to wear a michigan football jersey for 10 minutes? i know what you are thinking - how long will the genital chewing take? and i think you know the answer - it doesnt matter how long it would take. you go with the mountain lion ten times out of ten. you let that son of a bitch go to town until its thirst for human genital blood has been quenched. and you thank your lucky stars afterwards that you didnt have to wear a michigan football jersey. sick.

back to who does and who does not have a vagina.

rich rodriguez. vagina.
jim tressel. yeah right.
lloyd carr. vagina.
archie griffin. two heisman trophies.
chad henne. vag.
troy smith. massive dong.
calista forcier. definitely posseses vagina.
beanie wells. stiff arm of the gods.
mike hart. vag and boobies.
lawrence funderburke. dunk on your face.
cindy cooper. pure, unflitered, anadulterated sexy.
chris jent. looks like ivan drago.
manny harris. douche.
detroit. abandoned.
columbus. arnold classic.
michigan. looks like a glove.
ohio. shags like a minx.
block M. stands for mangina.
block O. stands for OMGtupacshakur.
dr kevorkian. from michigan.
halle berry. from ohio.
micheal moore. from michigan.
beverly d'angelo. from ohio.
jimm hoffa. from michigan.
ed o'neil. from ohio.
gates mcfadden. played dr berverly crusher. from ohio.


john holmes.
from ohio.
the end.

Weekend Recap(s)...

due to my recent lack of bloggings, i shall now sum up the last two big ten football weekends in the team secret falcon vs the bill wagg show, ummm, epic, ummmm, showdown.

or something.

LAST TWO WEEKENDS...

Wagg Predictions: 9-3
Morgan Predictions: 8-4

Wagg ATS: 7-3
Morgan ATS: 6-4

FOR THE SEASON...

Wagg Predictions: 57-23 (71%)
Morgan Predictions: 59-21 (74%)

Wagg ATS: 34-35 (49%)
Morgan ATS: 30-39 (43%)

so going into the last weekend of the regular season, i have a two game lead in the predictions and wagg has a 4 game lead against the spread.

Big Ten Power Rankings
November 16th, 2009

1. Ohio State
2. Iowa
3. Penn State
4. Wisconsin
5. Michigan State
6. Northwestern
7. Purdue
8. Minnesota
9. Illinois
10. Indiana
11. Michigan

k thx bye.

I Am Alive...

...though for how long is anyones guess.

i am in detroit this week (so my life could conceivably end at any moment) and busy as balls, so you wont be seeing the normal team secret falcon returning until monday.

and, yes, today is my 28th birthday. i have no idea how i got this old, but i am going to go ahead and blame chinese people. or native americans. or the jews. this line of thinking has, historically speaking, always worked out fine. right?

i have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow morning and drive to grand rapids for some work related nonsense, but i shall be back in columbus some time late night. we shall all celebrate my day of birth at the tailgate on saturday morning / afternoon. if the buckeyes win (which they will) they will punch their ticket to pasadena for their first rose bowl appearance since the 1997 season, and that would be the bomb.com.

its a 3:30pm kickoff, so i expect to see everyone down on campus at some point. do it for your good pal morgan, as he slowly slips away into old age and all things associated with old age. like, for instance, matlock. or murder she wrote. or hating people with dark skin.

you know, that kind of stuff.

Big Ten Score Predictions...

awwwwwww yeah boyeeeeeeeeeee - its time for another weekend of college football. and as always, wagg and i are here to predict some of the outcomes. specifically, the big ten games.

and away we go...

Saturday November 7th, 2009

Western Michigan at Michigan State
12:00 pm - Big Ten Network
Line: MSU -20.5

Wagg says: Michigan State 34-17
Morgan says: Michigan State 31-10

Purdue at Michigan
12:00pm - Big Ten Network
Line: UM -6

Wagg says: Michigan 27-24
Morgan says: Michigan 28-21

(21) Wisconsin at Indiana
12:00pm - Big Ten Network
Line: WISC -10.5

Wagg says: Wisconsin 38-31
Morgan says: Wisconsin 42-10

Illinois at Minnesota
12:00pm - Big Ten Network
Line: MINN -7

Wagg says: Minnesota 31-17
Morgan says: Minnesota 23-14

Northwestern at (4) Iowa
12:00pm - ESPN
Line: IOWA -15.5

Wagg says: Iowa 21-17
Morgan says: Iowa 25-13

(16) Ohio State at (11) Penn State
3:30pm - ABC
Line: PSU -5

Wagg says: Ohio State 20-17
Morgan says: Penn State 17-14

goooooooooooooooo buckeyes!

Thoughts and Feelings...

* while driving home from cleveland on wednesday afternoon, i noticed something funny...

god hates cleveland. nay, god hates all of northeastern ohio. so much that he does not allow the sun to shine anywhere near lake erie. ever.

as i made my way down 71-S, i realized that the closer i got to columbus, the less clouds there were. and just as i hit the mansfield area, the sun came out. i was so relieved to see it that i didnt even flip down the visor or put on my sunglasses. i just let the sun shine directly into my eyeballs without blinking for the rest of my drive.

you know youve just spent some time in cleveland when you are willing to sacrifice your vision by staring directly into the sun. i was so glad to be leaving northeast ohio that being without sight later in life was something i was willing to deal with.

why do people live there, again?

* i pulled some muscle on / in my ribcage on sunday that caused me to be in great pain whenever i tried to breathe for about three days. and i tend to breathe a lot. so that was an issue.

now that i can breathe pain free, i woke up this morning with a little bit of neck soreness, and it has progressed to the point where now i can barely even move my body without my neck and back sending shooting pains throughout my entire person.

those of you who know me well are probably thinking, "yeah - you are hurt. and the sun rises in the east. and the sky is blue. and corey loves topanga. what else is new?"

i dont know. im not sure what this all means or how it is any different from the normal injuries i sustain on a week by week basis. i just know that i have to fill this blog entry with letters and words and sentences and paragraphs, and telling stories helps me accomplish this goal.

such is mango.

* i think the biggest difference between people that live on the streets and people that lives in houses is that people who live in houses are far less likely to perform sexual acts for cocaine.

* i was riding in barndos front seat on the way home from the crew game (FAIL) last night, when he became agitated.

you see, barndo was so concerned with finding the perfect song to play on his ipod, that he couldnt be bothered to pay attention to the road. and when the road had the audacity to curve, he became angry.

i commented that he should write a letter to the mayor of columbus asking him if he knew that there were roads in our fair city that curved. you know, the kind of roads where you actually have to look at when you are driving on it. those type of roads are soooooooo annoying.

he became further angered and struck my about the face with his closed fist. i immediately started to bleed. the blood ran into my eyes, which caused my eyes to water. i mean, its not like i was crying because he hit me. that would be gay. and i swear im not gay. not anymore.

okay, i made that last part up. but the rest of the story is true. and now you know. and knowing is half the battle.

* TJ emailed me a link yesterday that was some sort of gossipy press release that was claiming steve gutenberg had revealed that disney was in the process of making the third edition of the "three men and a baby" franchise (can it really be called a franchise???) titled "three men and a bride". obviously the story will center around mary being a grown-up and getting married.

no word on on whether or not i have won the powerball lottery, because that and another three men and a baby movie are pretty much the only two things i have ever wanted out of life.

* congrats to the yankees for winning the world series. and no, im not kidding.

bitch all you want about how the yankees bought their way to the top. the fact is, they arent breaking any rules, and every penny they spend on their baseball club is well within the law of the sport.

and i have news for you - major league baseball would blow ass if it werent for the new york yankees. and lets not pretend that every fan of every team in every sport in every country in the world doesnt want an owner who is willing to pay to put a superior product out on the field. we all want george steinbrenner to own our teams. and pirate fans, royals fans, oakland fans, and marlins fans - you can send your thank you letters to the yanks whenever you feel like it for all of the money you are getting in profit sharing because of the "evil" empire.

the money argument is bullshit - how many rings have the yankees won this decade thanks to all of the money they spent? the last time i checked, the yankees won the world series in 2000 and 2009. thats a few years in between where teams like the marlins, diamondbacks, white sox, cardinals and phillies were on top of the baseball world.

dont blame the yankees because your teams owner doesnt want to spend a crapload of money. chances are that the owner cant afford to spend that money, because he knows that he wont make that money back even if his team goes undefeated and wins the series in four games. george steinbrenner can afford to spend that money because he knows his investment will pay off. yankees fans will always pack his stadium, buy his jerseys, watch his network, and make him lots of money. thats what a good customer base does for your business.

maybe, just maybe, the problem with your team isnt the yankees. maybe its you. maybe if your fanbase was more like the yankee fanbase, your team could have won the world series this year. maybe your owner could afford to sign free agents and keep the good home-grown talent around long than three or four years.

how could you be angry with an organization that is vastly successful while playing well within the laws that has been set for them by an outside, impartial source?

maybe the reason you hate the yankees is because you are pissed off at yourself. in which case, you are nothing more than a pathetic, desperate hater.

there. now that you have been put in your place, you can sit there for awhile and think about what youve done.

Team Secret Radio...

good news! team secret radio is back with another hilarious (boring / questionable) episode that will make you laugh until you cry and leave you wanting more!

okay, i am being a little dramatic and overselling it just a wee bit, but whatever. kathleen, mark - the new episode is up. listen to it.

as always, you can either click on the link on the right side of the page (which will take forever to load), or go to itunes and search "team secret radio" in the itunes store - which doesnt streams it and doesnt download it at all.

its free! and it doesnt cost anything! and you dont have to pay for it!

i have to go make weenus now.

bye.

MySpace Survey...

its time for another ultra-glorious myspace (even though i found it on facebook, whatever) survey brought to you by team secret falcon. sponsored by team secret falcon. in partnership with crystal meth.

this survey has 50 questions. if i actually get to 50, you have to promise to make out with me. no avoiding it this time.

1. What time did you get up this morning? i had to drive to shittsville, USA today (cleveland), so my ass was out of bed at 5am. i shall return to the capital city tomorrow evening. gary the buick is along for the ride.

2. How do you like your steak? eating meat is for suckers. though i do on occasion miss ridiculous meat products like sliders and real ball park hot dogs (basically anything you can consume at cooper stadium), not eating meat is the best decision i have ever made. aside from buying those strappy sandals i love so much. omg. you’ll have to borrow them sometime.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? where was this survey written, france? the last time i went to a MOVIE THEATRE i saw "extract". it was a lovely little film.

4. What is your favorite TV show? curb your enthusiasm, the office, 30 rock, LOST, entourage, hung, south park, smallville, modern family, house, the soup, community - i like many a TV show.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? after slumming it up in detroit and cleveland, i am content in columbus, thank you very much. unless you could take my friends and family and move them all to san diego and make the cost of living come down significantly. but if you had those powers i would tie you up in my basement and make you do awful things to the jonas brothers.

6. What did you have for breakfast? human blood. i am a vampire. just kidding. no im not. yes i am. or am i? no. yes. youll find out.

7. Your favorite cuisine? italian food, mexican food. the rest is insignificant. and should be killed.

8. What foods do you dislike? cough medicine. i know, it probably doesn’t count as a food, but it’s a consumable anyway. i am literally getting sick to my stomach even typing about cough medicine. ive heard that hitler loved the stuff.

9. What is your favorite Place to Eat? shouldn’t this question be "where" is your favorite place to eat, and not "what"? like, which building or place is my favorite to put in my mouth, chew, and send into my digestive system? definitely magic mountain or chuck e cheese. i want to have my birthday party at magic mountain this year. rather, next week. my birthday is next week. time to start shopping, people.

10. Favorite dressing? get out of my face with your salad questions! ewww!

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? only the finest car general motors has ever produced. the day gary rolled off the assembly line, twelve virgins started to weep. what?

12. What are your favorite clothes? i do most of my shopping at baby gap. what was the question again?

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? ireland - oh wait. im already doing that in three months. eat it.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? if its whiskey and coke, half empty. if its urine, half full. either way, its probably been a memorable night.

15. Where would you want to retire? in the middle of a sold out kick ass rock n roll extravaganza. then id jump up in the air and do a sweet guitar solo, light my hair on fire, punch some dude in the face, and id be all "YEEEEEEAH" and everyone would think that i was a super hardcore badass while i was kicking them in the face with my shoes that were made out of live snakes who had been cross-bred with a spider monkey. no one would know what to do. expect to rock. and rock we shall.

16. Favorite time of day? whenever the disney channel shows reruns of boy meets world. thats when.

17. Where were you born? riverside methodist hospital - columbus, ohio. its also where i have almost died numerous times. feel free to laugh. its funny when children almost die!

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? buckeye basketball, buckeye football, braves baseball, celtics basketball, crew soccer, blue jackets hockey. all else is irrelevant.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? michael jackson. because he is dead.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? i would be more than interested to see this post adapted into a blog entry on "the bill wagg show"

21 Who are you most curious about their responses to this? plebe. it is a funny word. say it out loud. PLEBE. go ahead, say it.

22. Bird watcher? at what point to bird watchers decide they are done bird watching? like, for instance, we knew last night at basketball that we were done because it was ten o'clock and i had only rented the court for two hours. when do bird watchers stop? when they see a specific bird? when it gets dark? when their genitals fall off because they are 53 and still a virgin? life is full of questions...

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? i am more of a morning person than most people. once i am awake, thats it - i am awake for good. there is too much to do during the day for me to go back to sleep. too much to accomplish. too many fires to put out. too many hookers to kill, i mean fires to put out.

24. Do you have any pets? i live with three cats, though only one (the best and most beautiful one) is mine. hi abbey! hello from cleveland! STAY OUT OF MY ROOM.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? umm, i straight up stole this survey from an unsuspecting friend on facebook. so i am officially a criminal. also, i enjoy traveling along the oregon trail. and i bet you didnt know that about me.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? the only thing i ever wanted to be was a professional basketball player. and i wanted to play for the celtics. there were a good number of years where i didnt think i could do anything else with my life, and it was a sad day when my dad told me while riding in his car that i wouldn’t ever play in the NBA. still, i haven’t given up hope. lots of teams need 6'2" white guys who cant play defense. if Isaiah ever takes over the celts, i know i'll get the call.

27. What is your best childhood memory? there isn’t one single thing i wouldn’t rather be doing right now than talking to this guy who is chatting at me in our cleveland office. he keeps talking to me about his nephew who is in prison, and i seriously would rather be naked in a field of zombies in the middle of winter in boise, idaho. ummm, best childhood memory? one time i fell out of my neighbor’s tree and landed flat on my back. my mom freaked out a little bit, and made me lay on the couch. i used my pitiful condition to get an unlimited amount of nintendo playing in. life was good.

29. Are you married? ummm, negative. marriage and i dont exactly see eye-to-eye.

30. Always wear your seat belt? of course. as long as danielle tripodis and sonja yewlen are out there and have the capacity to get behind the wheel, i will always wear my seatbelt. they are the worst drivers on the face of the planet, and i dont care if they do live in NYC and boston - i still feel as if they could kill me at any moment.

31. Been in a car accident? someday i am going to devote an entire blog entry to my getting-run-over-by-a-nissan-pathfinder story. even if you know all about it, its still fairly insane.

32. Any pet peeves? well, in case you haven’t noticed, team secret falcon is basically an ongoing list of my pet peeves that grows more and more by the week. you know i hate douchebags who wear ed hardy shirts. you know i hate political nutjobs. you know i hate white people. you know i hate people who do sideways peace signs in pictures for no reason. you know i hate guys who take their shirts off at volleyball. you know i hate sublime. you know i hate country music. you know i hate pittsburgh sports teams, the university of michigan, and people who NEED you to know that they love michael jackson. you know i hate people who say " i know, right?" you know i hate skinny jeans, the SEC, and people who dont like dinosaurs. you know i hate being politically correct. you know these things.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? cheese. and if you follow up the pizza with some flavor ice, i would love you forever.

34. Favorite Flower? the kind of flower that when you touch it, your clothes and hair become red and you can shoot fire balls out of your hands. i think its called LSD.

35. Favorite ice cream? i think this is more of a girl question than a guy question. so, instead, lets list off the most awesome things in the world...

a. getting / giving a really awesome high five.
b. i cant think of anything else.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? jimmy johns. i would eat it day and night if they let me. why wont they let me? because i am black?

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? did anyone actually fail their drivers test? i took mine in a 47 foot long buick and passed it. come on.

38. From whom did you get your last email? the last email i received was from david "freedom" french. he wants me to send out an email to everyone about this weekend. so this is what i shall do. i am here to serve.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? yet another poorly worded question. i would probably max out my card on amazon.com and i would buy that basketball game they have at luckys that we are currently obsessed with. it would be sweet and mark would basically have to move into our house. you can sleep in my room, sailor!

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? bought a ticket to ireland, bought andre agasi's autobiography, took up the sport of puppy drowning (a very sad sport despite what you have heard), gave myself a sweet facial tattoo of an eagle killing a terrorist to death with its fiery claws of democracy. usa! usa! usa!

41. Like your job? i am job.

42. Broccoli? i am getting so very close to giving up on this blog entry and deleting it. i am at that point where i cant decide between finishing it off and publishing it, or taking a razor blade and slowly sawing off my entire face. life is tough.

43. What was your favorite vacation? the original was great, christmas vacation was great, and the other two were not good. vegas vacation was insultingly terrible.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? monica seles - we kinda have a thing going on. she is one of the greatest womens tennis players of all time, and i enjoy eating food. we work well together.

45. What are you listening to right now? i have the killers stuck in my head. they have souls, but theyre not soldiers. there is a difference. they are two completely different words. i am surprised you would even make that mistake.

46. What is your favorite color? green. i dont care if that makes me evil. get your face out of my face.

47. How many tattoos do you have? tattoos are for criminals and people living on the east coast of italian decent.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? i am semi glad that i dont know what that means.

49. What time did you finish this quiz? FIND WILD FRUIT!

50. Coffee Drinker? no.

its official - you have to make out with me. i finished all 50 questions.

ill take my payment whenever you have ingested as many bottles of boones farm as it takes for us making out to seem like a good idea.

people like me more when they are drunk.

Weekend Recap...

the big ten teams from the state of michigan have screwed me over for the second week in a row. i am this close to driving up there and knocking down a few abandoned high rises in downtown detroit just to prove how pissed off i am. this close...

This Weekend

Wagg Predictions: 4-2
Morgan Predictions: 4-2

Wagg ATS: 4-2
Morgan ATS: 2-4

For The Season

Wagg Predictions: 48-20 (71%)
Morgan Predictions: 51-17 (75%)

Wagg ATS: 27-32 (46%)
Morgan ATS: 24-35 (41%)

the last two week have been good to shwaggspeare against the spread, as he is slowly creeping towards the break even point. i still hold onto my three game lead in the predictions. so thats nice.

Big Ten Power Rankings
November 2nd, 2009

1. Iowa - northwestern, ohio state, and minnesota (in that order) are all that stands between the hawkeyes and an undefeated regular season. looking at the final score in the indiana game tells you just how dominant iowa is in the 4th quarter - they entered trailing the hoosiers, and ended up winning by 18.

2. Penn State - the nits play only the second team on their schedule who is worth a crap when the buckeyes invade happy valley this saturday at 3:30pm. look for them to take away the run, forcing terrelle pryor to beat them with his arm. which he wont. ever.

3. Ohio State - playing a team like new mexico state at the end of the season is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. like aaron petrey. which forced tressel to send out walk-on junior devin barclay who kicks field goals about as well as bill wagg dunks a basketball. it probably would have been ben buchanon out there if he wasnt battling some flu bug. in any case, the bucks will need all the special teams mojo they can muster in the coming weeks against penn state, iowa, and michigan.

4. Wisconsin - the badgers completely dominated purdue. best game they have played all year by far. the rest of their schedule almost guarantees them a 10 win season.

5. Minnesota - good win at home for the gophers, who are certainly better than their 5-4 record lets on.

6. Michigan State - if iowa are the cardiac kids of 2009 big ten football, the spartans are definitely the heartbreak kids. 2 - 3 - 8 - 2 - 8. no, not the winning lottery numbers. yes, the points that michigan state has lost their 5 games this season. still, good teams find ways to win those games.

7. Northwestern - NERDS!

8. Indiana - a big jump for the hoosiers in this weeks rankings. unfortunately, this says more about the bottom three teams than it does about indiana.

9. Purdue - that momentum that the boilers had after consecutive wins against the buckeyes and illini? GONE.

10. Illinois - the illini have beaten exactly one FBS college football team this season, which is sad. more sad for that team they beat, which was of course....

11. Michigan - ....the michigan wolverweenies. loses of 4 of 5 (and the lone victory was against lowly delaware state) dick rod and his troops are officially falling apart. looks like it will again be a challenge for michigan to make a bowl game. a challenge they came well short of last season.

awesome.