it is a known fact that 82% of people come to team secret falcon for tips on how to become better dancers. because of this, i usually do a monthly post with some helpful tips for those who want to someday do some serious tap dancing with bing crosby and danny f-ing kaye.
this is one of those posts.
i invite you to sit back, relax, and let me lay this B out for you real slow, girl.
whoa, what?
HOW TO BE A REALLY GOOD DANCER
1. try to think of dancing as less of a physical task, and more of an artistic expression that allows you to create beautiful poetry through motion. if that doesnt work, think of it as more of a physical task.
2. fred astaire is widely regarded as the greatest and most important deep-sea fisherman of all-time. apparently he was also a fairly accomplished dancer. when asked in 1876 what he thought the most valuable aspect of great dancing was, he responded "not forgetting to use those genitals".
3. keeping perfect rhythm while dancing is of the utmost importance for all good dancers. in order to attain such perfection, many professionals will drill a small hole in their chest cavity and insert a mini metronome to aide in their efforts. its probably a good idea to get your children in on such practices early in life if you want them to grow up and accomplish anything in the highly competitive world of dance. using a hammer and a small pocket knife should do the trick. and dont kid yourself - there is going to be some blood.
4. if you want to reach the top of the dancing profession, its probably a good idea to be multiracial. and im not talking someone that maybe looks like they might be kinda spanish or something. im talking your mom is a white former model, and your dad is a black former professional tennis player. yeah, your hair probably looks a little dry and crazy, but you more than make up for it with that inner hatred you have for the kids who made fun of the way you looked when you were younger. that hatred fuels your kick-twists and jump-twirls. which is what a good majority of dancing is anyway.
5. reaching the pinnacle of the dancing world takes equal parts hard work, determination, and willingness to sleep your way to the top. dont be afraid of the things that old man who is in charge of the dance studio says he is going to do to you. your stepdad has done way worse.
6. most great dancers have legs. if you have lost your legs in a tragic gasoline fight accident, forget about it.
surprisingly enough, those are the only six things you need to know about the world of dancing.
good luck!
this is one of those posts.
i invite you to sit back, relax, and let me lay this B out for you real slow, girl.
whoa, what?
HOW TO BE A REALLY GOOD DANCER
1. try to think of dancing as less of a physical task, and more of an artistic expression that allows you to create beautiful poetry through motion. if that doesnt work, think of it as more of a physical task.
2. fred astaire is widely regarded as the greatest and most important deep-sea fisherman of all-time. apparently he was also a fairly accomplished dancer. when asked in 1876 what he thought the most valuable aspect of great dancing was, he responded "not forgetting to use those genitals".
3. keeping perfect rhythm while dancing is of the utmost importance for all good dancers. in order to attain such perfection, many professionals will drill a small hole in their chest cavity and insert a mini metronome to aide in their efforts. its probably a good idea to get your children in on such practices early in life if you want them to grow up and accomplish anything in the highly competitive world of dance. using a hammer and a small pocket knife should do the trick. and dont kid yourself - there is going to be some blood.
4. if you want to reach the top of the dancing profession, its probably a good idea to be multiracial. and im not talking someone that maybe looks like they might be kinda spanish or something. im talking your mom is a white former model, and your dad is a black former professional tennis player. yeah, your hair probably looks a little dry and crazy, but you more than make up for it with that inner hatred you have for the kids who made fun of the way you looked when you were younger. that hatred fuels your kick-twists and jump-twirls. which is what a good majority of dancing is anyway.
5. reaching the pinnacle of the dancing world takes equal parts hard work, determination, and willingness to sleep your way to the top. dont be afraid of the things that old man who is in charge of the dance studio says he is going to do to you. your stepdad has done way worse.
6. most great dancers have legs. if you have lost your legs in a tragic gasoline fight accident, forget about it.
surprisingly enough, those are the only six things you need to know about the world of dancing.
good luck!
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