life is full of difficult decisions.
on one hand, we know that doing drugs is 100% safe and 100% fun for all ages. on the other hand we know that, for some reason, bitches be looking down on getting high.
so the question must be asked - what can one do to pass the time when drugs arent an option?
THINGS TO DO OTHER THAN DRUGS
1. debate with your friends why COSI spent millions of dollars on a new facility and it is infinitely worse than it was in the old building. its not much of a debate, but whatever. coming up with things to do that dont involve drugs is really hard.
2. hate crimes.
3. ride your bike to work. when you arrive, break out the driver side windows of your coworkers. tell them its because they are destroying global warming. it wont make sense, but its not like they are unemployed. they can afford new windows.
4. get high and cheat on your wife.
5. if someone accuses you of being racist, quickly respond with "some of my best friends are black" - they will realize that they were greatly mistaken.
6. when you have your friends over who are minorities, make sure not to flaunt your wealth in front of them, as this will make them feel sad. its probably a good idea to hide your valuables - TVs, jewelry, wallets, purses, etc - being observant of your friends feelings is important!
7. cocaine. wait..........no. cocaine is a drug. cocaine is a hell of a drug.
8. swim with the dolphins. its a really cosmic experience of you are high. wait, shit. that involves drugs. this is getting harder than i thought it would.
9. order a donatos pizza, put psychedelic mushrooms on it, and just eat the crap out of it. it will blow your mind. oh yeah, drugs. crap.
10. oh hell, just keep doing drugs. they arent bad for you, and they almost always lead to a healthy life full of good decisions and meaningful friendships.
lessons!
on one hand, we know that doing drugs is 100% safe and 100% fun for all ages. on the other hand we know that, for some reason, bitches be looking down on getting high.
so the question must be asked - what can one do to pass the time when drugs arent an option?
THINGS TO DO OTHER THAN DRUGS
1. debate with your friends why COSI spent millions of dollars on a new facility and it is infinitely worse than it was in the old building. its not much of a debate, but whatever. coming up with things to do that dont involve drugs is really hard.
2. hate crimes.
3. ride your bike to work. when you arrive, break out the driver side windows of your coworkers. tell them its because they are destroying global warming. it wont make sense, but its not like they are unemployed. they can afford new windows.
4. get high and cheat on your wife.
5. if someone accuses you of being racist, quickly respond with "some of my best friends are black" - they will realize that they were greatly mistaken.
6. when you have your friends over who are minorities, make sure not to flaunt your wealth in front of them, as this will make them feel sad. its probably a good idea to hide your valuables - TVs, jewelry, wallets, purses, etc - being observant of your friends feelings is important!
7. cocaine. wait..........no. cocaine is a drug. cocaine is a hell of a drug.
8. swim with the dolphins. its a really cosmic experience of you are high. wait, shit. that involves drugs. this is getting harder than i thought it would.
9. order a donatos pizza, put psychedelic mushrooms on it, and just eat the crap out of it. it will blow your mind. oh yeah, drugs. crap.
10. oh hell, just keep doing drugs. they arent bad for you, and they almost always lead to a healthy life full of good decisions and meaningful friendships.
lessons!
Posts
4 comments:
worst blog ever.... you smell like failure.... and cereal.. deal morgan, get new material... like silk.. or burlap..
This is bad, you are bad. Feel Bad!
MORGAN YOU ARE A GOD. YOUR WRITING IS LIKE A MASSAGE FROM A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL. (and you know what massages always lead to...)
That was delightful...it was like angel afterbirth in my mouth.
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