its a well-known fact around the world that i am fairly adept at understanding the modern woman, and making this untamed sensual beast fall deeply in love with me all over my hot body. people from all over the world have been trying to perfect my technique for hundreds of years to no avail.
while you are somewhat correct in assuming that i can chalk up almost all of my conquests to the combination of the deep aroma of old spice and patchy facial hair, there are a few other tips you should be made aware of if you want to become to become a sexual casanova like yours truly.
HOW TO MAKE WOMEN LOVE YOU
* first impressions are of the utmost importance. always wear cologne, and lots of it. while most men accept that six to eight sprays of curve or CK1 on your neckal region should be enough, what a lot of people dont realize is that no it is not at all. if there is one law that women live by, its that whichever man she meets that is wearing the most cologne is that this is the man that she is more likely to go home with at the end of the night when she is feeling that going home with a guy might be the most electric idea she ever made that night with her own decisions. and a lot of people dont understand that.
* women like to be touched, so dont be afraid of being the one to initialize the contact. shake her hand and say "nice to meat you" - she will think the intentional misspelling is hilarious and witty. try holding the handshake a little longer than you normally would. when saying goodbye, bring her in close for an embrace. take a long, slow, deep breath in and tell her that you enjoy how warm she feels against your skin. at this point she will probably pretend to be outraged and will try to escape. you do not let this happen.
* if theres one thing women can appreciate, its honesty. if you dont like the way she does her hair or the outfit she is wearing, make sure to tell her. if you can tell that she has put on a few pounds or is bloated during that time of the month, suggest that she skip a meal or two. mention that the extra weight is starting to make her look more and more like her mother. women appreciate family.
* women love to be tickled. try playfully holding her down and poking her in the sides. i dont know, maybe you try tying her up so she cant fight you. while she is tied up, maybe you slap her around a little bit.
* women know that sometimes you want to make relations with another woman. women also know that they cant expect you to tell them everything that you do with your day. so, naturally, if a woman finds out that you cheated on her, she probably wont be all that upset about it.
* every woman has a fantasy associated with a cowboy. you know who was a cowboy? the marlboro man. consider taking up smoking.
* women love cooking for their man. but, again, women appreciate honesty above all else. so, when she has made you dinner, its important that you tell her if you dont like it. and instead of making some passing remark about the chicken being a bit dry, pick up your plate and throw it against the wall. push her down on the floor and ask her if she really expects you to eat this crap. tell her that youll give her something to cry about.
* many women in todays world worry that their boyfriend or husband might be secretly gay. chances are, your girlfriend or wife is one of these women. take it upon yourself to ease her worries - try sleeping with her best friend or sister. or both. probably both. this will show her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to your sexuality. great job.
* women are always pretending that they dont like to be slapped in the mouth when they step out of line. pretending.
* if your girlfriend has a dog, its probably not a bad idea to poison that dog in order to draw her closer to you. upon learning of barkys death, she will no doubt turn to you for comfort and support. this is when you take money from her purse when she isnt looking. you should also give serious thought to drinking her tears for sustenance.
* women love when you use cute little pet names for them. "slut bag" is a good one.
good luck!
while you are somewhat correct in assuming that i can chalk up almost all of my conquests to the combination of the deep aroma of old spice and patchy facial hair, there are a few other tips you should be made aware of if you want to become to become a sexual casanova like yours truly.
HOW TO MAKE WOMEN LOVE YOU
* first impressions are of the utmost importance. always wear cologne, and lots of it. while most men accept that six to eight sprays of curve or CK1 on your neckal region should be enough, what a lot of people dont realize is that no it is not at all. if there is one law that women live by, its that whichever man she meets that is wearing the most cologne is that this is the man that she is more likely to go home with at the end of the night when she is feeling that going home with a guy might be the most electric idea she ever made that night with her own decisions. and a lot of people dont understand that.
* women like to be touched, so dont be afraid of being the one to initialize the contact. shake her hand and say "nice to meat you" - she will think the intentional misspelling is hilarious and witty. try holding the handshake a little longer than you normally would. when saying goodbye, bring her in close for an embrace. take a long, slow, deep breath in and tell her that you enjoy how warm she feels against your skin. at this point she will probably pretend to be outraged and will try to escape. you do not let this happen.
* if theres one thing women can appreciate, its honesty. if you dont like the way she does her hair or the outfit she is wearing, make sure to tell her. if you can tell that she has put on a few pounds or is bloated during that time of the month, suggest that she skip a meal or two. mention that the extra weight is starting to make her look more and more like her mother. women appreciate family.
* women love to be tickled. try playfully holding her down and poking her in the sides. i dont know, maybe you try tying her up so she cant fight you. while she is tied up, maybe you slap her around a little bit.
* women know that sometimes you want to make relations with another woman. women also know that they cant expect you to tell them everything that you do with your day. so, naturally, if a woman finds out that you cheated on her, she probably wont be all that upset about it.
* every woman has a fantasy associated with a cowboy. you know who was a cowboy? the marlboro man. consider taking up smoking.
* women love cooking for their man. but, again, women appreciate honesty above all else. so, when she has made you dinner, its important that you tell her if you dont like it. and instead of making some passing remark about the chicken being a bit dry, pick up your plate and throw it against the wall. push her down on the floor and ask her if she really expects you to eat this crap. tell her that youll give her something to cry about.
* many women in todays world worry that their boyfriend or husband might be secretly gay. chances are, your girlfriend or wife is one of these women. take it upon yourself to ease her worries - try sleeping with her best friend or sister. or both. probably both. this will show her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to your sexuality. great job.
* women are always pretending that they dont like to be slapped in the mouth when they step out of line. pretending.
* if your girlfriend has a dog, its probably not a bad idea to poison that dog in order to draw her closer to you. upon learning of barkys death, she will no doubt turn to you for comfort and support. this is when you take money from her purse when she isnt looking. you should also give serious thought to drinking her tears for sustenance.
* women love when you use cute little pet names for them. "slut bag" is a good one.
good luck!
Please show this to Charlie - he is woefully uneducated in the ways of knowing what modern women like. Apparently. And then buy me a ticket to Bolivia.
ReplyDeleteFantastic! Especially the dinner idea! I've always wanted to throw a plate against the wall..
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to add these 2 very important tips:
ReplyDeleteForget your girlfriends birthday even though you say I love you and spend the entire weekend with her. When you approach her empty handed just say, "I was too busy and I didn't do anything for your birthday" and just laugh it off. She will never forget you or that birthday!
Also
Pissing in a girls bed after she takes care of your drunk ass all night is a surefire way to win her over. Don't forget to point and laugh at the huge spot in the morning and leave it on the bed for her to strip off and clean. Don't offer any money for the down topper you ruined and never apologize for it.