everyone knows that there are a few things i really excel at in life.
1. not talking about "club gay".
2. making dump and weenus wherever i want.
3. shaking babies until they stop crying.
4. writing kick-ass poetry.
its funny that making dump was number two.
MORNING POETRY FOR YOUR LIFE
Lovely Lady
in my mind
i see her in the distance
as she comes closer, she becomes more clear
i see her hair
blowing in the cool summer breeze
i see her eyes
shining like a beacon of freedom
i see her body
moving effortlessly like a fish through water
she is the woman of my dreams
she is the one amongst many
my one true love
she moves closer and closer
i can see her expression
she looks pissed
super pissed
she says that she feels bloated
and that she wants to get rid of the dog
she says my mother is too nosy
and that she has a headache
oh crap
why does she have half of my stuff?
i cant feel my legs
this isnt going to end well
Youthful Memories
if you ever think to yourself
that its a good idea to put
mcdonalds coffee between your legs
you should probably rethink that
because you could burn your genitals
and that hurts more than you would think
Here Is Why
sometimes when i am at church
people ask me questions
one question i get a lot is
"why dont you date women taller than you"
and im always like
"when was the last time
you thought of rebeca lobo
and you were like
oh yeah, i really wanna hit that"
then they are like
"that is very inappropriate"
and i'm all
"if you dont wanna see my coconuts
then you shouldnt shake my tree"
Taking a Stand
having a mustache says something about a person
way beyond what you would think
its tells people what you believe in
and how you go about living your life
it says to people
yeah, im wearing jean shorts
and yeah, i sell used vehicles
sure, ill wear socks with sandals
and yes, i own several firearms
absolutely, i would love to go with you
to see molly hatchet at the fairgrounds
.38 special is opening for them?
even better
yes, i have a collection of snakes
and i think i could defeat you
at arm wrestling
i have several beer cozys that can be worn
around my neck
i dont trust people with dark skin
and my sons middle name is "earnhardt"
what did you say?
do i drink busch light?
i have a mustache
i think you know the answer to that
Never Have I Ever
lets play a friendly game of
never have i ever
ill say never have i ever something
and if you have done it
you have to take a drink
okay
here we go
never have i ever been addicted to crystal meth
WAGG
1. not talking about "club gay".
2. making dump and weenus wherever i want.
3. shaking babies until they stop crying.
4. writing kick-ass poetry.
its funny that making dump was number two.
MORNING POETRY FOR YOUR LIFE
Lovely Lady
in my mind
i see her in the distance
as she comes closer, she becomes more clear
i see her hair
blowing in the cool summer breeze
i see her eyes
shining like a beacon of freedom
i see her body
moving effortlessly like a fish through water
she is the woman of my dreams
she is the one amongst many
my one true love
she moves closer and closer
i can see her expression
she looks pissed
super pissed
she says that she feels bloated
and that she wants to get rid of the dog
she says my mother is too nosy
and that she has a headache
oh crap
why does she have half of my stuff?
i cant feel my legs
this isnt going to end well
Youthful Memories
if you ever think to yourself
that its a good idea to put
mcdonalds coffee between your legs
you should probably rethink that
because you could burn your genitals
and that hurts more than you would think
Here Is Why
sometimes when i am at church
people ask me questions
one question i get a lot is
"why dont you date women taller than you"
and im always like
"when was the last time
you thought of rebeca lobo
and you were like
oh yeah, i really wanna hit that"
then they are like
"that is very inappropriate"
and i'm all
"if you dont wanna see my coconuts
then you shouldnt shake my tree"
Taking a Stand
having a mustache says something about a person
way beyond what you would think
its tells people what you believe in
and how you go about living your life
it says to people
yeah, im wearing jean shorts
and yeah, i sell used vehicles
sure, ill wear socks with sandals
and yes, i own several firearms
absolutely, i would love to go with you
to see molly hatchet at the fairgrounds
.38 special is opening for them?
even better
yes, i have a collection of snakes
and i think i could defeat you
at arm wrestling
i have several beer cozys that can be worn
around my neck
i dont trust people with dark skin
and my sons middle name is "earnhardt"
what did you say?
do i drink busch light?
i have a mustache
i think you know the answer to that
Never Have I Ever
lets play a friendly game of
never have i ever
ill say never have i ever something
and if you have done it
you have to take a drink
okay
here we go
never have i ever been addicted to crystal meth
WAGG
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