The Results Are In...

eleven people competed in the first annual team secret falcon test. two people separated themselves from the competition. only one can win.

but first, on to the answers...

1. LAST YEAR, TEAM SECRET FALCON SPONSORED A MENS SOFTBALL TEAM - THE TEAM NAME WAS...
b) team secret falcon

because we are creative.

2. WITH WHOM DID I MAKE BAD DECISIONS AROUND A CAMP FIRE IN THE FIRST INSTALLATION OF THE OREGON TRAIL BLOG?
a) lauren hines

best night / worst morning of my life. i'll call you sometime.

3. WHAT IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT DINOSAURS?
d) they are always making dump and weenus wherever they want

pretty much the only way to seriously impress me is to have zero concern as to where you drop your smashers.

4. ACCORDING TO RECENT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES, THE US ECONOMY IS CURRENTLY...
a) roommates in DC with OMGBARACK!!!1!!1!

they split the utilities right down the middle.

5. THE FOURTH RULE OF CLUB GAY IS...
b) ahhh boom boom boom

its the hottest song on the planet right now.

6. THE BEST WAY TO STOP A BABY FROM CRYING IS...
c) to shake that baby until it stops crying.

come on. everyone knows that.

7. DATES WITH KATHLEEN TURNER ALMOST ALWAYS END WITH...
a) penetration

there is no other possible eventuality.

8. ACCORDING TO FRED ASTAIRE (DEEP SEA FISHING LEGEND) THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT TO BEING A GOOD DANCER IS...
c) not forgetting to use those genitals

use them hard. real hard.

9. WHICH IS OF THE FOLLOWING IS *NOT* SOMETHING YOU SHOULD DO ON YOUR LUNCH HOUR?
d) crystal meth

its the only time you should stay away from the crystal. any other time? play ball.

10. TEAM SECRET FALCON DOES *NOT* HATE...
a) hastings middle school

how could you hate something that is so wonderful? you cant. thats how.

12. ASIAN PEOPLE ARE GOOD AT...
d) all of the above (playing the violin, math, doing peace signs in photos)

racism is funny.

13. THE BEST SONG TO LISTEN TO WHEN LAYING YOUR WOMAN DOWN IS...
c) "party in the USA" by miley cyrus

i was going to choose another song, but then i put my hands up because they were playing my song and the butterflies flew away. i had no other choice at that point. nodding my head like "yeah". moving my hips like "yeah".

14. SCIENCE HAS PROVEN THAT DOING DRUGS IS...
b) 100% safe and non-addictive

and you cant argue with science.

16. EVERYBODY LOVES...
d) feline aids

a tragic yet hilarious condition.

17. WHILE ON A RUN IN 2009, I...
b) found a free piano.

19. WHICH ONE OF MY FRIENDS KINDA DIED ON 8/3/2009?
d) ian maute

20. MY FIRST BLOG ENTRY WAS VERY SHORTS - IT READ...
d) cock and puddy equals baby, uh-huh uh-huh

along with science, you also cannot argue with math.

..............................................................................................................................

here is how the participants fared...

1. Ian Maute 87%
1. Paige Gydosh 87%
3. Kathleen Turner 77%
4. Alison Maute 74%
5. Barndo Pargeon 68%
6. The Bill Wagg Show 64%
7. Marissa Tomasic 62%
7. Lauren Hines 62%
9. Mike Steele 60%
9. Peter Sevendsen 60%
11. Libby Steele 57%

so, yeah, we have a tie for first. and i am torn as to how to break it. my first thought was to have a softcore makeout session with both ian and paige, and whichever one made me the most tingly would walk away as champion. then ian's stupid wife got all upset and we had to cancel. she is the worst.

instead, i am going to have both ian and paige write a guest blog and then let the people vote on who did the best job. the topic is as follows...

"club gay is moving into its second month in existence. how should we, as members, go about promoting our entity? should we become more visible in the community? what steps can we take to ensure that club gay is a viable source of awesomeness for our childrens childrens children?"

hopefully we can have this settled in the next couple of days.

in the meantime, remember to keep it gay, keep it hot, and NEVER talk about club gay.

ahhh boom boom boom.