well instead of a guard dog, they had this bloody great big bengal tiger. i managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son - that was a different story all together. i had to beat them to death with their own shoes.
wait, what?
oh, hi - welcome to team secret falcon. its a thursday morning here in the capital city, and that can mean only one thing...
WAYS TO MAKE EXTRA MONEY
* its a well-known fact that kids under the age of nine are unable to grow facial hair. this leaves many second graders around the united states of obama unable to get dates with older, sluttier women, which can lead to severe mental issues later in their lives such as depression, genital herpes, and gout. use an electric razor every morning, and instead of dumping your unused hair into the toilet (heh-heh, dumping in the toilet...) collect them in a ziplock bag, and sell them to kids around your area. selling things in small plastic baggies to kids on a playground is completely legal in all 50 states.
* go back to school and earn you degree in being a farmer. being a farmer is awesome because farmers dont have a boss, unless you count their wives or the monsters that live in the corn fields. which many farmers will tell you are one in the same.
* become a high-class prostitute. when your customers (or "sex buyers" as they are called in the industry) ask what separates you from low-class prostitutes, tell them that you dont speak english. when they ask what language you do speak, say "la lucha libre" which means "none of your damned business" in spanish. also, no kissing on the mouth. you have rules.
* steal money from your grandparents. they are old and it is highly unlikely that they will even notice. if they do notice, they will be easily defeated with any standard issue harpoon gun, which all boats are required to carry by law. shoot your grandparents in the face with a harpoon gun.
* sell your junk. oh, wait, we already covered prostitution.
* go to your girlfriends parents house and tell her mother you will kill her unless she gives you all of the money in her bank account. once she does this, tell her it was just a joke. if she asks for the money back, tell her you are going to kill her.
* if you are lucky, you will someday receive an email from a prince in south africa who, for some reason, needs to deposit 50 million dollar monies into your savings account. do not hesitate to take advantage of this idiot who barely speaks english. what could possibly go wrong? south african royalty can be so stupid sometimes.
* parents of infants are always looking for good babysitters. when the parents leave for their date (or "sex buying" as it is called in the industry) and the baby starts to cry, shake that baby until, well, you know.
* invest in the nearest puppy mill. i bet those things make a ton of money.
* if your girlfriends mother tells your girlfriend about you stealing money from her, shoot her in the face with a harpoon gun. but wait, am i talking about your girlfriend or her mother? yes.
good luck!
wait, what?
oh, hi - welcome to team secret falcon. its a thursday morning here in the capital city, and that can mean only one thing...
WAYS TO MAKE EXTRA MONEY
* its a well-known fact that kids under the age of nine are unable to grow facial hair. this leaves many second graders around the united states of obama unable to get dates with older, sluttier women, which can lead to severe mental issues later in their lives such as depression, genital herpes, and gout. use an electric razor every morning, and instead of dumping your unused hair into the toilet (heh-heh, dumping in the toilet...) collect them in a ziplock bag, and sell them to kids around your area. selling things in small plastic baggies to kids on a playground is completely legal in all 50 states.
* go back to school and earn you degree in being a farmer. being a farmer is awesome because farmers dont have a boss, unless you count their wives or the monsters that live in the corn fields. which many farmers will tell you are one in the same.
* become a high-class prostitute. when your customers (or "sex buyers" as they are called in the industry) ask what separates you from low-class prostitutes, tell them that you dont speak english. when they ask what language you do speak, say "la lucha libre" which means "none of your damned business" in spanish. also, no kissing on the mouth. you have rules.
* steal money from your grandparents. they are old and it is highly unlikely that they will even notice. if they do notice, they will be easily defeated with any standard issue harpoon gun, which all boats are required to carry by law. shoot your grandparents in the face with a harpoon gun.
* sell your junk. oh, wait, we already covered prostitution.
* go to your girlfriends parents house and tell her mother you will kill her unless she gives you all of the money in her bank account. once she does this, tell her it was just a joke. if she asks for the money back, tell her you are going to kill her.
* if you are lucky, you will someday receive an email from a prince in south africa who, for some reason, needs to deposit 50 million dollar monies into your savings account. do not hesitate to take advantage of this idiot who barely speaks english. what could possibly go wrong? south african royalty can be so stupid sometimes.
* parents of infants are always looking for good babysitters. when the parents leave for their date (or "sex buying" as it is called in the industry) and the baby starts to cry, shake that baby until, well, you know.
* invest in the nearest puppy mill. i bet those things make a ton of money.
* if your girlfriends mother tells your girlfriend about you stealing money from her, shoot her in the face with a harpoon gun. but wait, am i talking about your girlfriend or her mother? yes.
good luck!
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