when im not spending time harassing the elderly and burning down orphanages, i like to sit back in my throne made of baby panda pelts, smoke some crystal meth and write some inspirational poetry for the masses.
POETRY FOR YOUR LIVE(S)
Office Rambo
you sit at your desk
eating your nilla wafers
and drinking your diet coke
your cubicle walls seperate you from
the world
as outside your area
dangers await
you talk with carl
the nerdy IT guy
about how funny the a-team was
and how amanda in HR is a whore
wait
whats that sound
coming from the kitchen
sounds like
unavoidable pain
if you are hearing that sound
its too late
i have found you
you are already dead
signed,
office rambo
UFC 106
roses are red
violets are blue
i am a man from brazil
and i am here to sleep with your girlfriend
You Look Ridiculous
here is something i dont understand
about the world
why is it that 9 times out of 10
when you see a picture of a girl on facebook
she has one arm wrapped around another girl
and the other arm is perched on her hip
what is up with that?
why the perched arm?
is it because you think your arms are fat?
because they are
Impressions
when i am walking on the beach at sunset
and i see a trail of footprints
leading off into the horizon
i always wonder "where do they lead?"
and i think to myself
"i'll bet it was one of those queer guys
thinking about how to make my son a queer guy
and ruin our economy"
no way those devils are getting married on MY watch
USA USA USA USA USA
Paying it Forward
i think a nice thing to do
is to take a post-it note
and draw a smiley face on the front of it
then put it on your brothers dresser
so when he gets up in the morning
he'll be like "awwww!"
and then when you get his wife pregnant
and he chases you with a knife
and he is going to murder you
you can be like "remember the post-it note!"
and he'll be like "awwwww!"
and you can get an apartment together
and he will probably forget all about it
Rain Drops
umbrellas are a useful tool when its raining outside
because they are made of
wait
what in the hell are umbrellas made of?
Shut Up and Make Me a Sandwich
baby
you know im not one to play into antiquated
gender roles
and you know i respect you
as a human being
and you know i think the world of you
as a person
but
shut up and make me a sandwich
thanks
bitch
POETRY FOR YOUR LIVE(S)
Office Rambo
you sit at your desk
eating your nilla wafers
and drinking your diet coke
your cubicle walls seperate you from
the world
as outside your area
dangers await
you talk with carl
the nerdy IT guy
about how funny the a-team was
and how amanda in HR is a whore
wait
whats that sound
coming from the kitchen
sounds like
unavoidable pain
if you are hearing that sound
its too late
i have found you
you are already dead
signed,
office rambo
UFC 106
roses are red
violets are blue
i am a man from brazil
and i am here to sleep with your girlfriend
You Look Ridiculous
here is something i dont understand
about the world
why is it that 9 times out of 10
when you see a picture of a girl on facebook
she has one arm wrapped around another girl
and the other arm is perched on her hip
what is up with that?
why the perched arm?
is it because you think your arms are fat?
because they are
Impressions
when i am walking on the beach at sunset
and i see a trail of footprints
leading off into the horizon
i always wonder "where do they lead?"
and i think to myself
"i'll bet it was one of those queer guys
thinking about how to make my son a queer guy
and ruin our economy"
no way those devils are getting married on MY watch
USA USA USA USA USA
Paying it Forward
i think a nice thing to do
is to take a post-it note
and draw a smiley face on the front of it
then put it on your brothers dresser
so when he gets up in the morning
he'll be like "awwww!"
and then when you get his wife pregnant
and he chases you with a knife
and he is going to murder you
you can be like "remember the post-it note!"
and he'll be like "awwwww!"
and you can get an apartment together
and he will probably forget all about it
Rain Drops
umbrellas are a useful tool when its raining outside
because they are made of
wait
what in the hell are umbrellas made of?
Shut Up and Make Me a Sandwich
baby
you know im not one to play into antiquated
gender roles
and you know i respect you
as a human being
and you know i think the world of you
as a person
but
shut up and make me a sandwich
thanks
bitch
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