for those of us pavement-pounders out there, the dangers of the road are everywhere. step off the wrong curb, and you are flattened by a garbage truck. come down on the wrong piece of loose footing, and your ankle folds like a house of cards. play chicken with the wrong person focused on their cell phone instead of driving their car, and you are totally and completely screwed.
as an outdoor runner, theres not much you can do.
which is why i crank up my ipod, make sure im wearing my road ID so the police can identify my dead body, and constantly search for that elusive runners high.
THE WORLDS GREATEST RUNNING MIX
"I Saw The Sign" by Ace of Base
nothing screams "i dont give a good gosh darn about playing into societys stereotypical definition of what a man is supposed to be" quite like ace of base. crank it up, yell it loud, and see the sign - it will open up your eyes.
"I Can Love You Like That" by All 4 One
wagg and i used to drive around in my 1991 pontiac grand am, sucking down swiped true green 100s and singing this song at the top of our lungs. until that one day when we were juniors and that truck full of seniors pulled up next to us at a stop light and totally busted us out. ever since that day, we have been singing it way louder and way prouder than we ever though possible. if you want tenderness, i got tenderness.
"Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold
the inspiration for the golden girls theme song version, this classic 70s ballad takes you on a whirlwind journey of emotions, and leaves you positive that if your best friend ever through and party and invited everyone they knew, that they would see the biggest gift would be from you and the card attached would say "thank you for being a friend".
"Barbie Girl (Dutch Version)" by Aqua
how could you possibly make barbie girl a better song? SING IT IN DUTCH, BITCH. or something that sounds a lot like german. im an american. europe confuses me.
"Can't Get Enough of Your Love" by Barry White
sometimes when i listen to this song when im running, i try to dance at the same time and i end up tripping and falling into a messy white-guy-trying-to-dance-to-black-music pile of unfortunate awkwardness on the ground. but thats okay. its like the more you give, the more i want baby.
"Lido Shuffle" by Boz Scaggs
because it was my ringtone for so many years, and every time i hear the chorus i imagine christie pickler singing "freedom - whoa oh oh oh oh oh!" - dude, its LIDO, not FREEDOM. come on.
"Toxic" by Britney Spears
a lot of people dont know this, but britney spears is actually totally and completely awesome. thats science, and you cant argue with science.
"That's The Way It Is" by Celine Dion
i felt like i had to mention a celine song (we are are a first name basis), as she is currently preggo with twins at the ripe old age of eighty-seven. i guess what she said was true - love comes to those who believe it, and thats the way it is. crap, i just vomited all over my pants.
"Better Days" by Citizen King
when i worked at the gap in high school (pause for unavoidable gay jokes), this was one of the songs they played in the store. the songs were predetermined, and were on a single CD that was put on repeat and played all day, every day. and this was during the "dress you up in my love" phase of the gap, which meant that song was played roughly every 10-12 minutes of your eight hour shift. "better days" was always a welcome break from madonna and her musically void shriek that she passes off as a singing voice.
"1,2,3,4 - Sumpin' New" by Coolio
one of my most favorite lyrics of all-time is in this song. "if you want beef, then nigga eat a porkchop" - simple, effective, and so, so true. you want beef? eat pork. even though its not beef. whatever.
"Jenny From The Block" by Jennifer Lopez
i think jennfier lopez, musically, falls under the same umbrella britney spears does, in the sense that they are both made of pure, beautiful, uncut genius, and their songs can turn a 5 mile run into a 25 mile run without you even noticing.
"Feeling That Way / Anytime" by Journey
yes, children - journey actually wrote songs other than "dont stop believin", and many of them are seriously badass. you could do worse things than popping open your laptop and illegally downloading this amazing two-in-one song for the ages and listening to it until your ears bleed and you head explodes.
"Jump" by Kriss Kross
i know ive said this about a million times in this blog over the years, but the official slogan for windermere elementary school when i was in fifth grade was "jump jump". i dont know why or what it was supposed to mean, but its tough not to respect the fact that out of all the songs in the world, dr yarletts was smart enough to choose such a radical composition to represent his entire community of students and teachers alike. so throw those jeans on backwards, and let the mac daddy and daddy mac make you jump jump.
"Extraordinary" by Liz Phair
i pretty much make it a rule to download and listen to every song that has ever been featured in a WNBA commercial on ESPN. all the time. forever.
"Return of The Mack" by Mark Morrison
listen, you dont need me to tell you why this is one of the greatest pump-up songs in the history of the universe. you already know. its the song that made mark morrison the international recording artist that he is today.
"Brandy (You're a fine girl)" by Looking Glass
a song about a stuck up prude who forgets that shes a freaking waitress in some harbor town and should be sleeping with at least two guys at a time, this little ditty reminds you of all that is wrong with monogamous relationships. hes not coming back to you, brandy. no harbor is his home. his life, his lover, and his lady is the sea. not you. he doesnt love you. you mean nothing to him. wanna go out sometime?
"Story of a Girl" by Nine Days
this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looks so sad in photographs, i absolutely love her when she smiles. this is also my friend kathleen turners most favorite song in the world.
"How Bizarre" by OMC
even though its a song written and recorded by those unholy illegal immigrant mexicans who are trying to ruin our country and impregnate our daughters, its still a solid jam.
"Helen Wheels" by Paul McCartney
if you cant get pumped to run to this song, you dont have a weenus. if you dont have a weenus, you are a girl. if you are a girl, wanna go out sometime?
"Hey Sandy" by Polaris
its the theme song to "the adventures of pete and pete". you can get down on that, right? i thought so.
"Banana Phone" by Raffi
its a song with a peel. now you can have your phone and eat it too. this song drives me bananas.
"Two Becomes One" by The Spice Girls
sometimes when you are out on the road, staring mile after mile directly in the face, you need to get a little romantic with your bad self. sometimes you need to get funky. get nasty. thats where the spice girls come in to play. cause tonight is the night, when two becomes one.
"Hold On" by Wilson Phillips
its a known fact that...
a) drugs are non addictive and 100% safe for children of all ages
b) listening to wilson phillips causes the average runner to improve their mile time by anywhere from 30-47% the first time they take in the sweet, sweet melodic harmonies of those sexy lesbians.
you should probably download it right this very second.
as an outdoor runner, theres not much you can do.
which is why i crank up my ipod, make sure im wearing my road ID so the police can identify my dead body, and constantly search for that elusive runners high.
THE WORLDS GREATEST RUNNING MIX
"I Saw The Sign" by Ace of Base
nothing screams "i dont give a good gosh darn about playing into societys stereotypical definition of what a man is supposed to be" quite like ace of base. crank it up, yell it loud, and see the sign - it will open up your eyes.
"I Can Love You Like That" by All 4 One
wagg and i used to drive around in my 1991 pontiac grand am, sucking down swiped true green 100s and singing this song at the top of our lungs. until that one day when we were juniors and that truck full of seniors pulled up next to us at a stop light and totally busted us out. ever since that day, we have been singing it way louder and way prouder than we ever though possible. if you want tenderness, i got tenderness.
"Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold
the inspiration for the golden girls theme song version, this classic 70s ballad takes you on a whirlwind journey of emotions, and leaves you positive that if your best friend ever through and party and invited everyone they knew, that they would see the biggest gift would be from you and the card attached would say "thank you for being a friend".
"Barbie Girl (Dutch Version)" by Aqua
how could you possibly make barbie girl a better song? SING IT IN DUTCH, BITCH. or something that sounds a lot like german. im an american. europe confuses me.
"Can't Get Enough of Your Love" by Barry White
sometimes when i listen to this song when im running, i try to dance at the same time and i end up tripping and falling into a messy white-guy-trying-to-dance-to-black-music pile of unfortunate awkwardness on the ground. but thats okay. its like the more you give, the more i want baby.
"Lido Shuffle" by Boz Scaggs
because it was my ringtone for so many years, and every time i hear the chorus i imagine christie pickler singing "freedom - whoa oh oh oh oh oh!" - dude, its LIDO, not FREEDOM. come on.
"Toxic" by Britney Spears
a lot of people dont know this, but britney spears is actually totally and completely awesome. thats science, and you cant argue with science.
"That's The Way It Is" by Celine Dion
i felt like i had to mention a celine song (we are are a first name basis), as she is currently preggo with twins at the ripe old age of eighty-seven. i guess what she said was true - love comes to those who believe it, and thats the way it is. crap, i just vomited all over my pants.
"Better Days" by Citizen King
when i worked at the gap in high school (pause for unavoidable gay jokes), this was one of the songs they played in the store. the songs were predetermined, and were on a single CD that was put on repeat and played all day, every day. and this was during the "dress you up in my love" phase of the gap, which meant that song was played roughly every 10-12 minutes of your eight hour shift. "better days" was always a welcome break from madonna and her musically void shriek that she passes off as a singing voice.
"1,2,3,4 - Sumpin' New" by Coolio
one of my most favorite lyrics of all-time is in this song. "if you want beef, then nigga eat a porkchop" - simple, effective, and so, so true. you want beef? eat pork. even though its not beef. whatever.
"Jenny From The Block" by Jennifer Lopez
i think jennfier lopez, musically, falls under the same umbrella britney spears does, in the sense that they are both made of pure, beautiful, uncut genius, and their songs can turn a 5 mile run into a 25 mile run without you even noticing.
"Feeling That Way / Anytime" by Journey
yes, children - journey actually wrote songs other than "dont stop believin", and many of them are seriously badass. you could do worse things than popping open your laptop and illegally downloading this amazing two-in-one song for the ages and listening to it until your ears bleed and you head explodes.
"Jump" by Kriss Kross
i know ive said this about a million times in this blog over the years, but the official slogan for windermere elementary school when i was in fifth grade was "jump jump". i dont know why or what it was supposed to mean, but its tough not to respect the fact that out of all the songs in the world, dr yarletts was smart enough to choose such a radical composition to represent his entire community of students and teachers alike. so throw those jeans on backwards, and let the mac daddy and daddy mac make you jump jump.
"Extraordinary" by Liz Phair
i pretty much make it a rule to download and listen to every song that has ever been featured in a WNBA commercial on ESPN. all the time. forever.
"Return of The Mack" by Mark Morrison
listen, you dont need me to tell you why this is one of the greatest pump-up songs in the history of the universe. you already know. its the song that made mark morrison the international recording artist that he is today.
"Brandy (You're a fine girl)" by Looking Glass
a song about a stuck up prude who forgets that shes a freaking waitress in some harbor town and should be sleeping with at least two guys at a time, this little ditty reminds you of all that is wrong with monogamous relationships. hes not coming back to you, brandy. no harbor is his home. his life, his lover, and his lady is the sea. not you. he doesnt love you. you mean nothing to him. wanna go out sometime?
"Story of a Girl" by Nine Days
this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looks so sad in photographs, i absolutely love her when she smiles. this is also my friend kathleen turners most favorite song in the world.
"How Bizarre" by OMC
even though its a song written and recorded by those unholy illegal immigrant mexicans who are trying to ruin our country and impregnate our daughters, its still a solid jam.
"Helen Wheels" by Paul McCartney
if you cant get pumped to run to this song, you dont have a weenus. if you dont have a weenus, you are a girl. if you are a girl, wanna go out sometime?
"Hey Sandy" by Polaris
its the theme song to "the adventures of pete and pete". you can get down on that, right? i thought so.
"Banana Phone" by Raffi
its a song with a peel. now you can have your phone and eat it too. this song drives me bananas.
"Two Becomes One" by The Spice Girls
sometimes when you are out on the road, staring mile after mile directly in the face, you need to get a little romantic with your bad self. sometimes you need to get funky. get nasty. thats where the spice girls come in to play. cause tonight is the night, when two becomes one.
"Hold On" by Wilson Phillips
its a known fact that...
a) drugs are non addictive and 100% safe for children of all ages
b) listening to wilson phillips causes the average runner to improve their mile time by anywhere from 30-47% the first time they take in the sweet, sweet melodic harmonies of those sexy lesbians.
you should probably download it right this very second.
Why do you continue to spread lies about me?
ReplyDelete