if youre like me (and chances are, you are) you spent a great majority of last weekend laying fireside with a trendy and in-shape young puerto rican piece of man-candy, drinking a hearty bottle of vino and recounting the ways in which you could spend countless hours losing yourself in his eyes.
but lets talk about college football instead.
Big Ten Power Rankings - Week Two
1) Ohio State - really, really hard to find anything wrong on the offensive or defensive sides of the ball for the buckeyes after throttling marshall in easy fashion on thursday night. pryor looked poised, saine looked as underrated as ever, stoneburner (now at TE) pulled in three balls, tyler moeller is officially locked in, b-rolle took a pick-6 to tha' house, and no points were given up by the defense. now, special teams - thats a different story all together. devin barclay makes me beyond nervous, and the kick coverage was piss poor. mark my words - our kicking game is going to bite us in the ass this season. we all better hope drew basils leg is as great as advertised, and ben buchanon can pin some dudes deep every now and then. barclay is living off of his game-winner in OT versus iowa last season, and its not going to last very much longer. i mean, dude, i dont care if it did go through the uprights - you got a PAT blocked. come on.
2) Wisconsin - sometimes it takes a power oriented team a couple quarters to assert their dominance against a lesser foe, and this is exactly what we saw out of wisky last week. they grinded it out against UNLV, and ended up winning by twenty. the gap between ohio state and wisconsin is not as huge as everyone seems to think.
2) Iowa - not really sure what to think about iowa after last week. yes, they beat eastern illinois easily - but thats what a big ten team should do against a crap opponent. iowa seems to like living on the edge, so it was nice to see them easily dispatch a team that had no business being on the same field with them. we will see what happens in the next couple of weeks against not-quite-as-crappy opponents in arizona and iowa state.
4) Michigan State - i know the win came against western michigan, but good lord - spartys got themselves a freaking running game. yes, i know, i buy into michigan state every year and usually end up disappointed. i dont care. i think this year will be different. the defense was solid, and it appears it wont just have to be the kirk cousins show this season, which is a major plus. sparty on wayne, sparty on garth.
5) Penn State - i watched some of the first half of penn states game against youngstown state, and was not very impressed. the new quarterback is a true freshman, and thats not good when you have to play in hostile environments where good decision-making is a must. and oh yeah, PSU travels to #1 alabama this weekend. which is fairly hostile.
6) Michigan - its time to put on your overreaction-hat, because michigan is again undefeated after one game! denard robinson doesnt tie his shoes! OMG dick rod finally has the right man to lead his offense! OMGBLARG! michigan is BACK! guzzle guzzle guzzle the michigan kool aid everyone! look kids, i know - the skunk weasels beat down on mighty uconn last week, and their hot-shit-QB-of-the-moment looked pretty solid. but werent we all spewing this same crap last season when calista forcier was running wild all over the eastern michigans, notre dames, and indianas of the world? newsflash - they lost seven of their last eight and didnt make a bowl game. so excuse me if i havent lost control of my bowels all over my underpanties yet. beat michigan state, penn state, iowa, wisconsin, or - gasp - ohio state and then we will talk about michigan being "back". until then, sit back down in your chair and read up on all of your impressive big time victories against the buckeyes from the 1800s.
7) Northwestern - kudos to the nerds for going into an SEC stadium and picking up a win against a member of OMGTHEGREATESTCONFERENCEEVAR. yeah, it was against vandy (who suuuuuuuucks) but whatever. im not convinced their new quarterback isnt just mike kafka in another jersey number, as he was supremely efficient while dispatching of the commmadors. or whatever vandy is calling themselves this season. NERDS!!!!!!!
8) Purdue - not impressed with the fighting danny hopes, but not ready to write them off yet either. too many turnovers ended up costing them in the end against the irish, but still - they kept it close. and thats all i have to say about purdue.
9) Minnesota - congrats on coming from behind to beat middle tennessee state. the only reason you arent in the basement is because illinois and indiana suuuuuuuck. OMGNEWSTADIUM!!!!!
10) Illinois - another game, another loss. same soup, reheated. illinois is bad.
11) Indiana - usually you wont find a team who posted a 51-17 victory in the basement of anyones power rankings, but its freaking indiana. and it was freaking towson. big deal. not saying the hooisers will end up here, but if you are indiana and we are talking football, you start in at the bottom. nowhere to go but up.
More Baseless Accusations...
* i hope everyone watched the mighty florida gators barely escape against the powerhouse redhawks of miami on saturday, and i hope you all enjoyed it half as much as i did. how many yards of offense did they have going into the fourth quarter? twelve? no, seriously - it couldnt have been more than forty. classic SEC speed advantage right there. douchebags.
* the hurricanes looked solid in their game against the florida a&m snakes (snakes, right?) and jacory (i love black people names) harris throws a good ball. his weakness has always been poor decision making in big games, which you can force him into by bringing pressure. which ohio state loves to do. i want to see brian rolle hit him in the mouth. with a harpoon gun.
* usc has no defense. love it.
* how are people surprised that boise state beat virginia tech? this is what happens EVERY YEAR. va tech schedules a big game early in the year, gets overrated in the preseason polls, and promptly craps the bed. its like clockwork. that win had WAY more to do with va tech being inept than the broncos being a national title threat, and youll never convince me otherwise.
* texas was losing to rice after the first quarter, and oklahoma only beat utah state by seven. looks like the big twelve just might destroy itself without the help of the conference commissioners.
* the only way north carolina will ever be good at football is to hire a head coach who cheats to win. and they have that man in butch davis. no bitching allowed from tarheel fans who dont like it. you want a winner, this is the route you have to take. the end.
* i simply LOVED watching ole miss lose to division twelve jacksonville state on saturday afternoon. look daddy! teacher says, every time an SEC team loses, and angel gets his wings.
thats right! THATS RIGHT!!!!!!
but lets talk about college football instead.
Big Ten Power Rankings - Week Two
1) Ohio State - really, really hard to find anything wrong on the offensive or defensive sides of the ball for the buckeyes after throttling marshall in easy fashion on thursday night. pryor looked poised, saine looked as underrated as ever, stoneburner (now at TE) pulled in three balls, tyler moeller is officially locked in, b-rolle took a pick-6 to tha' house, and no points were given up by the defense. now, special teams - thats a different story all together. devin barclay makes me beyond nervous, and the kick coverage was piss poor. mark my words - our kicking game is going to bite us in the ass this season. we all better hope drew basils leg is as great as advertised, and ben buchanon can pin some dudes deep every now and then. barclay is living off of his game-winner in OT versus iowa last season, and its not going to last very much longer. i mean, dude, i dont care if it did go through the uprights - you got a PAT blocked. come on.
2) Wisconsin - sometimes it takes a power oriented team a couple quarters to assert their dominance against a lesser foe, and this is exactly what we saw out of wisky last week. they grinded it out against UNLV, and ended up winning by twenty. the gap between ohio state and wisconsin is not as huge as everyone seems to think.
2) Iowa - not really sure what to think about iowa after last week. yes, they beat eastern illinois easily - but thats what a big ten team should do against a crap opponent. iowa seems to like living on the edge, so it was nice to see them easily dispatch a team that had no business being on the same field with them. we will see what happens in the next couple of weeks against not-quite-as-crappy opponents in arizona and iowa state.
4) Michigan State - i know the win came against western michigan, but good lord - spartys got themselves a freaking running game. yes, i know, i buy into michigan state every year and usually end up disappointed. i dont care. i think this year will be different. the defense was solid, and it appears it wont just have to be the kirk cousins show this season, which is a major plus. sparty on wayne, sparty on garth.
5) Penn State - i watched some of the first half of penn states game against youngstown state, and was not very impressed. the new quarterback is a true freshman, and thats not good when you have to play in hostile environments where good decision-making is a must. and oh yeah, PSU travels to #1 alabama this weekend. which is fairly hostile.
6) Michigan - its time to put on your overreaction-hat, because michigan is again undefeated after one game! denard robinson doesnt tie his shoes! OMG dick rod finally has the right man to lead his offense! OMGBLARG! michigan is BACK! guzzle guzzle guzzle the michigan kool aid everyone! look kids, i know - the skunk weasels beat down on mighty uconn last week, and their hot-shit-QB-of-the-moment looked pretty solid. but werent we all spewing this same crap last season when calista forcier was running wild all over the eastern michigans, notre dames, and indianas of the world? newsflash - they lost seven of their last eight and didnt make a bowl game. so excuse me if i havent lost control of my bowels all over my underpanties yet. beat michigan state, penn state, iowa, wisconsin, or - gasp - ohio state and then we will talk about michigan being "back". until then, sit back down in your chair and read up on all of your impressive big time victories against the buckeyes from the 1800s.
7) Northwestern - kudos to the nerds for going into an SEC stadium and picking up a win against a member of OMGTHEGREATESTCONFERENCEEVAR. yeah, it was against vandy (who suuuuuuuucks) but whatever. im not convinced their new quarterback isnt just mike kafka in another jersey number, as he was supremely efficient while dispatching of the commmadors. or whatever vandy is calling themselves this season. NERDS!!!!!!!
8) Purdue - not impressed with the fighting danny hopes, but not ready to write them off yet either. too many turnovers ended up costing them in the end against the irish, but still - they kept it close. and thats all i have to say about purdue.
9) Minnesota - congrats on coming from behind to beat middle tennessee state. the only reason you arent in the basement is because illinois and indiana suuuuuuuck. OMGNEWSTADIUM!!!!!
10) Illinois - another game, another loss. same soup, reheated. illinois is bad.
11) Indiana - usually you wont find a team who posted a 51-17 victory in the basement of anyones power rankings, but its freaking indiana. and it was freaking towson. big deal. not saying the hooisers will end up here, but if you are indiana and we are talking football, you start in at the bottom. nowhere to go but up.
More Baseless Accusations...
* i hope everyone watched the mighty florida gators barely escape against the powerhouse redhawks of miami on saturday, and i hope you all enjoyed it half as much as i did. how many yards of offense did they have going into the fourth quarter? twelve? no, seriously - it couldnt have been more than forty. classic SEC speed advantage right there. douchebags.
* the hurricanes looked solid in their game against the florida a&m snakes (snakes, right?) and jacory (i love black people names) harris throws a good ball. his weakness has always been poor decision making in big games, which you can force him into by bringing pressure. which ohio state loves to do. i want to see brian rolle hit him in the mouth. with a harpoon gun.
* usc has no defense. love it.
* how are people surprised that boise state beat virginia tech? this is what happens EVERY YEAR. va tech schedules a big game early in the year, gets overrated in the preseason polls, and promptly craps the bed. its like clockwork. that win had WAY more to do with va tech being inept than the broncos being a national title threat, and youll never convince me otherwise.
* texas was losing to rice after the first quarter, and oklahoma only beat utah state by seven. looks like the big twelve just might destroy itself without the help of the conference commissioners.
* the only way north carolina will ever be good at football is to hire a head coach who cheats to win. and they have that man in butch davis. no bitching allowed from tarheel fans who dont like it. you want a winner, this is the route you have to take. the end.
* i simply LOVED watching ole miss lose to division twelve jacksonville state on saturday afternoon. look daddy! teacher says, every time an SEC team loses, and angel gets his wings.
thats right! THATS RIGHT!!!!!!
A few observations.The spartans pass rush was non-existant for 2 quarters, and that stinks for us.MSU has a running game, and if LeVeon Bell works out like I think he will, we will all be very happy in East Lans.Greg Jones continues to be the shiznit.UM has a slightly suckier pass rush than MSU and has a secondary that REALLY stinks.OSU shouldnt be playing Marshal, but they did and looked like they executed the plays very well and played the whole game instead of coasting in the later half.This is good.Joe Pa State has some speedy lineman on D. This should help them.Bolden wont be able to zip passes by Big Ten defenses no matter who they play.This is bad.Wisco needs to be destroyed and I think they have an opportunity to fall on October 2nd.Big plays my friends.Wisco controls the clock and MSU scores fast.OSU will dominate the Hurricanes.Thank you for your attention.
ReplyDeletei just went to a game at alabama this past weekend. not nearly as loud or intimidating as i thought it would be. having said that, they shall rape penn state
ReplyDeleteI am really kind of upset that I didn't get to see your picks this week
ReplyDelete