for those of you who arent world famous published authors like yours truly, and dont have over twenty retro throw-back t-shirts from your local hispter t-shirt business in your closet, and dont have thousands of people throwing delicious crystal meth in your direction every day, and dont have many, many super-cool black friends (the kind that DONT wear basketball jerseys in every day social situations), and havent voted for OMGBARACK!!!1!!1! at least once in your life, well, you probably have no idea how difficult it is to spend most of your life ass-deep in some step of the writing process. and how good it feels to not write anything for an extended period of time. to just veg out. watch some tube. explore your body. learn things about yourself.
such is my curse.
whoop dee do - but what does it all mean, basil? what does this nonsensical rambling have to do with you not blogging for the better part of this entire calendar year?
if you give me a minute, i'll tell you. sometimes you can be really impatient.
REASONS WHY I HAVENT BEEN BLOGGING AS MUCH AS I USED TO
* how about "none of your damn business" and i'll thank you to stay out of my personal life.
* i have been eating more poop and drinking more pee than ever before.
* my addiction to pale teenage vampires and broody young mexican werewolves has been at a fever pitch as of late. most of my days have been spent sewing "team edward" bibs for our eventual half vampire children. and cutting myself.
* lately ive been traveling around the country on a lecture circuit, informing people how ridiculous it is that we all cover our mouths when we yawn. i can toally see why we have to do so when we sneeze or cough - to avoid germs escaping into the wild and getting animals sick. i know. but yawning is just breathing. and you dont have to cover your mouth when you breathe. come on.
* have you ever noticed how most new york mets fans are of italian decent? i hate that about them.
* if there is one thing i am sure of, its that those gross flat strappy sandals that hip twenty-somethings are wearing right now are going to turn out to be the most horrific fashion disaster of this decade. by far. when is the last time you heard a guy say "yeah, shes hot, and i would totally bang her, but i wish she looked just a little more like alexander the great"? kill them with fire before its too late.
* ive been thinking a lot about my childhood recently, and ive come to the realization that i probably didnt makeout with winnie cooper from "the wonder years" enough. you know that hot piece was just waiting for me to make my move. my bad, girl.
* if you are ever on a greyhound bus traveling cross-country, and you start having a panic attack, its probably a good idea to shoot first and ask questions later.
* getting up enough courage to ask a woman on a date is something we all struggle with. if you are doubting yourself, just remember - women are just like men, only without the ability to form educated, rational, or meaningful thoughts or observations! good luck!
such is my curse.
whoop dee do - but what does it all mean, basil? what does this nonsensical rambling have to do with you not blogging for the better part of this entire calendar year?
if you give me a minute, i'll tell you. sometimes you can be really impatient.
REASONS WHY I HAVENT BEEN BLOGGING AS MUCH AS I USED TO
* how about "none of your damn business" and i'll thank you to stay out of my personal life.
* i have been eating more poop and drinking more pee than ever before.
* my addiction to pale teenage vampires and broody young mexican werewolves has been at a fever pitch as of late. most of my days have been spent sewing "team edward" bibs for our eventual half vampire children. and cutting myself.
* lately ive been traveling around the country on a lecture circuit, informing people how ridiculous it is that we all cover our mouths when we yawn. i can toally see why we have to do so when we sneeze or cough - to avoid germs escaping into the wild and getting animals sick. i know. but yawning is just breathing. and you dont have to cover your mouth when you breathe. come on.
* have you ever noticed how most new york mets fans are of italian decent? i hate that about them.
* if there is one thing i am sure of, its that those gross flat strappy sandals that hip twenty-somethings are wearing right now are going to turn out to be the most horrific fashion disaster of this decade. by far. when is the last time you heard a guy say "yeah, shes hot, and i would totally bang her, but i wish she looked just a little more like alexander the great"? kill them with fire before its too late.
* ive been thinking a lot about my childhood recently, and ive come to the realization that i probably didnt makeout with winnie cooper from "the wonder years" enough. you know that hot piece was just waiting for me to make my move. my bad, girl.
* if you are ever on a greyhound bus traveling cross-country, and you start having a panic attack, its probably a good idea to shoot first and ask questions later.
* getting up enough courage to ask a woman on a date is something we all struggle with. if you are doubting yourself, just remember - women are just like men, only without the ability to form educated, rational, or meaningful thoughts or observations! good luck!
