Problems at The University of Michigan...

as the michigan wolverines head into the least interesting bcs bowl game in recent memory, many fans of the maize and blue are left wondering what their new head coach can do to turn the ship around and compete for big ten / national championships in the coming seasons. no longer the best football program even in their own state, its an uphill battle for brady hoke and those lovable losers from ann arbor.

there are many bumps in the road awaiting michigan on their path back to relevance. below, team secret falcon will name a few of the most obvious stumbling blocks.


REASONS WHY BRADY HOKE COULD FAIL AS HEAD COACH AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

10. donuts
9. philly cheese steaks
8. king size snickers bars
7. mcdonalds dollar menu
6. whole milk
5. stuffed crust pizza
4. curbside food vendors
3. triple cheeseburgers
2. bacon
1. urban meyer

BIGGEST OBSTACLES BETWEEN THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN AND THEIR FIRST UNSHARED NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE 1902

10. french fries
9. general tso's chicken
8. chicken fingers
7. pancakes
6. dairy queen ice cream cake
5. cupcakes
4. waffle house
3. international house of pancakes
2. sour cream potato chips
1. urban meyer

POTENTIAL FOOTBALL RELATED ISSUES THAT MUST BE OVERCOME AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

10. taco salad
9. milkshakes
8. cheesy gordita crunch
7. double big macs
6. cinnabon
5. hot dogs
4. eggnog
3. corn chips
2. cookie shaped birthday cake
1. urban meyer

OBVIOUS CONCERNS WITH THE OFFENSE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

10. lunchables
9. olive garden never ending pasta bowl
8. honey mustard
7. KFC
6. bloomin' onions
5. fried macaroni and cheese
4. chipotle
3. nachos bell grande
2. bagel bites
1. urban meyer

POTENTIAL DISASTERS WITH THE DEFENSE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

10. hometown buffet
9. biscuits and gravy
8. mayonnaise
7. chips and dip
6. unused cake batter
5. large blocks of cheese
4. chicken and ranch calzones
3. deep fried pickles
2. pie
1. urban meyer

postscript - the exclusion of ranch dressing was done intentionally, as listing it as an issue seemed far too obvious.